-=Garbage - Special

Something just made my day today... dunno...:) was kinda stressful and moody when i woke up but yea as i said earlier :) ... anyhows, had a assembly language programming lab excercise to complete and hand in today... and there's my Differential Equations midterm tomorow! (well it was supposed to be today... but the instructor opened his big mouth and said Thursday or Friday doesn't matter to him, and so the whole class shouted FRIDAY *doh* =) ) but still... i ain't that prepared.. especially for all that physics applications crap.... embedded beams etc.. springs... eiyerrrrrrrrr...

one more week and im bacccck! geez i tell myself this so many times.... arghh.. seems like forever... this quarter goes by so quick... but then this 2 weeks's slow like hell... finals next weeeeek... yayyy!! yea its next week and im so happy... dunno.. my roommates arent happy... maybe cuz they arent going back to indonesia .... well.. they don't need to go back anyway... since their parents came over here to visit.... mmm... and their mom cooks dinner... quite nice.. hehe... of cuz i luv my own mum's cooking more..

Been thinking of so many random things nowadays... should be like doh since i rant about random things while typing too.... *shrugs*
Was thinking about how hard it is to be apart from someone you love so much, how hard it is not to talk to that person for a long time... does distance really make the heart fonder? But yea I guess though how hard it is... still gotta live with it... have to be able to spend time apart from each other sometimes ... it's gonna happen someday anyway...

Another thing i've been thinking about is... when and if i get into a relationship and if it's time or if i have to let go... would I be able to? I know for sure once I fall deeper and deeper it gets harder and harder to let go... took me more than a year to even let go of someone who I just liked and who didn't even like me the way I liked her... i guess i fall in too easily but when it comes to letting go, it's a hard thing....

hmm... is there such a term as a 'love addict'? Cuz if there was... I would be one... was just watching a tv series 'Matchmaker' (look i even watch these kind of series lol) and there was these people who are 'love addicts' and also a support group 'love addict's anonymous' (something like the AA - alcoholic's anonymous) for love addicts... Well it's a tv series and coud be a fictional or a made-up thingy... but yea .... in the series they described love addicts as people who are addicted to the euphoria, joy, and all that blend of emotions and feelings felt while in love... *shrugs*

.........................................................................................
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
Now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
Took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day

Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'd be together
One sweet day

Sorry I never told you
Together
All I wanted to say
...................................................................Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men - One Sweet Day

^^ Can't remember if I mentioned it.. used to be one of my favourite songs last time... kept playing it for a few months on the car tap player while being driven home from primary school by my parents... listening to it brings back memories... Well listening to certain songs that I listened to a lot during a certain time in the past always brings back memories of that time.... weird =\ Songs like Bon Jovi's Always, Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing, and Spice Girls' songs surely brings back memories.

Wheeeeeee! Just finished my programming lab. Had to write a program that would ask the user to input some words/sentences and checks to see if it is a palindrome. (palindromes are words/sentences that are the same when read backwards, example : abba, deed, ten animals i slam in a net, space caps) .. just to give an idea those that don't know what programming is about... :P

--------------------------------------------------------

.MODEL SMALL

.486



CR	EQU 13

LF	EQU 10



.STACK 100H



INCLUDE CIS21JA.INC



.DATA

	PROMPT	DB	"Enter word to check if palindrome: "

	ISPAL	DB	"Yes, this is a palindrome."

	NOTPAL	DB	"No, this is not a palindrome."

	NEWLINE	DB	CR, LF

	BUF1	DB	30 DUP(?)

	POSPAL	DB	0



.CODE

start:

	MOV		AX,@DATA

	MOV		DS,AX



main:

	@STDOUT		PROMPT

	@STDIN		BUF1

	PUSH		AX

	@STDOUT		NEWLINE

	LEA		SI,BUF1

	LEA		DI,BUF1

	POP		AX

	ADD		DI,AX

	DEC		DI

	@STDOUT		BUF1,AX

	

leftchar:

	MOV		AL,[SI]

	CMP		AL,'0'

	JB		LNOTLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'9'

	JBE		LLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'A'

	JB		LNOTLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'Z'

	JBE		LLEGAL

	SUB		AL,20H

	CMP		AL,'A'

	JB		LNOTLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'Z'

	JBE		LLEGAL

	JMP		LNOTLEGAL

	

LLEGAL:

	MOV		AH,AL

	INC		SI

	JMP		RIGHTCHAR



LNOTLEGAL:

	INC		SI

	CMP		SI,DI

	JAE		RESULT

	JMP		LEFTCHAR



RIGHTCHAR:

	MOV		AL,[DI]

	CMP		AL,'0'

	JB		RNOTLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'9'

	JBE		RLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'A'

	JB		RNOTLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'Z'

	JBE		RLEGAL

	SUB		AL,20H

	CMP		AL,'A'

	JB		RNOTLEGAL

	CMP		AL,'Z'

	JBE		RLEGAL

	JMP		RNOTLEGAL



RLEGAL:

	CMP		AH,AL

	JE		ISPOSPAL

	MOV		POSPAL,0

	JMP		RESULT



RNOTLEGAL:

	DEC		DI

	CMP		DI,SI

	JBE		RESULT

	JMP		RIGHTCHAR



ISPOSPAL:

	MOV		POSPAL,1

	DEC		DI

	CMP		DI,SI

	JBE		RESULT

	JMP		LEFTCHAR



RESULT:

	CMP		POSPAL,1

	JE		PRINTPOSPAL

	@stdout		newline

	@STDOUT		NOTPAL

	JMP		DONE



PRINTPOSPAL:

	@stdout		newline

	@STDOUT		ISPAL



DONE:

	mov		ah,4ch

	int		21h



END START

--------------------------------------------------------

Won't expect anyone really to understand.. unless of course u know assembly language programming. Trust me it sucks as aa programming language although its more flexible... I prefer C or Java anytime.

I'd better go now.. get ready for college.

Look at the stars, and how they shine for you, and everything you do...

-= Silence.........

My first time updating since... a month? lost track of time.... speaking of which... time passes by real quickly when life starts having meaning... when there's actually something to look forward to every day, tomorow, the day after, the week after.. everyday..

Nothing much's happened in the past month. Been busy with classes and homework. I'm pretty confident I'm able to get As for all 3 of my classes this quarter, though there's still the finals that'll only secure that... screw up my final and thats it... which i hope i don't.

2 more weeks and I'm back home.. can't wait... but I have hell to go through first - finals week... :) think I should do alrite . Ooooh and I just submitted my uni application online last night... I'm sooo hoping I'll get into the unis I applied to.. =\ Actually, I think I might have been putting too much hope on too many things recently... So afraid things won't turn out as I hoped... But i guess no matter how i tell myself that i'm not going to put too much hope, no matter how I tell myself I'm prepared for whatever that happens, I'll still be disappointed if things dont go as i had hoped for... maybe thats just me... even if i put just a little hope in certain things.. i still feel as disappointed as if i had put in a lot of hope....

I need someone to talk to right now... but unfortunately there's no one whom I feel comfortable talking to about this that's online... 2 more weeks.... 2 more weeks..... I'll be waiting... I hope you will be too.......

* Nights are lonely, days are so sad
I just can't help thinking about the love that we have
And I'm missing you, but nobody knows it but me *


Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorow.

-=Simple Plan - Perfect

Life's been really busy lately... had 2 exams last week - Java and Assembly Language. got a 94 for my Java but a 87 for my Assembly Language =(. Supposed to have my Math Differential Equations midterm later today (3am thursday right now :) ) but then yesterday the class was pushing the instructor to delay the midterm till Friday.. and so its on Friday :) Not exactly complaining .. but I wouldn't complain even if it was today... Could've gone to watch Matrix Revs today if I knew the midterm was on Friday... arghh!

And I HATE people who spoil movies.... geez this guy had to tell me that ____ died in Matrix Revs.... idiot.!

Ahhh... was just cramming in all the maths i could into my feeble mind just now... decided to come blog since I havent been doing it for a long time ..

Well guess I gotta get back to my studies....

Adieu

Oh and I have my uni application to fill out and a personal statement to write... ughhhhhhh...!

Nothing lasts forever.... sorry i can't be perfect... now it's just too late.. now we can't go back.......

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance ,
For the break that will make it okay .
There's always some reason to feel not good enough ,
And it's hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction or a beautiful release ,
Memories seep from my veins .
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe ,
I'll find some peace tonight .
In the arms of the angel far away from here ,
From this dark , cold hotel room and the endlessness that you feel .
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie ,
You're in the arms of the angel , may you find some comfort here .
So tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn ,
There's vultures and thieves at your back .
The storm keeps on twisting , you keep on building the lies ,
That make up for all that you lack .
It don't make no difference , escape one last time ,
It's easier to believe .
In this sweet madness , oh, this glorious sadness ,
That brings me to my knees .
In the arms of the angel , may you find some comfort here ...

The most beautiful song of all....

I cried to it today.......

heart hurts, mind hurts

I want to be free.......

-=Roxette - Fading Like a Flower

Just a little disclaimer before you read this, i'm not exactly in a wonderful mood right now......

In fact i feel really fucked up... Getting fucking sick of living this life... nothing ever works right for me.... got a call from parents just now... and i was actually in a studying mood before that... i spent 4 hours studying math... i have a math midterm tomorow.... so my parents were like talking about my studies and all..... about my transfer to uni..... fuck it seriously... im not fucking good in my studies and i've never been..... one of the reasons i didnt wanna come to the US was because i was not blardy smart like other people and i dont deserve to be sent here..... i hate feeling guilty and feeling disappointed at myself and also for not living up to my parents expectations..... and that phone call just made me lose my mood in studying... arghhhhhhhhhhhh,........

yes nothing actually works in my life..... my GPA's a mere 3.4 now and i need at least a 3.5 to get into berkeley... and there's hardly any other uni that offers a BA in comp sci.... other unis offer BS and i dont wanna take a BS in comp sci coz i have to do all the bullshit science subjects like physics chem and bio and i know FOR A FACT i suck at them and i dont like those subject..... hell im never good in studies.... parents say if i cant get into the unis that offer BA then ill have to take BS... wtf man.... im not taking BS for fucks sake.... ive had enough torturing myself lowering my GPA everytime i take a subject that i know i wont get an A for.... hey face it.. some people are good at studies some arent.... i like computer science actually.. programming and all that stuff.... but maths? physics? i dont know why ifucking have to take them...... its not liek you're gonna solve bloody complicated calculus questions when programing... its not like you're gonna use differntial equations to find the rate the height of the water in this cylinder is decreasing..... wtf...

this is life... thats what my parents said.. life is hard... but that is life... blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.... fuck it... i know how hard life is... i've been living in that kind of life for the past few years???? i dont think my parents even know me... or know what i'm feeling and going through.. i just dont have that conenction with my parents....

i just wish i was alone everywhere i go.....

i just wished i wouldve did a stupid diploma in comp sci... i dont mind not getting that good of a pay as long as its enough... fucking money isnt that important ill just live a simple life..... ill be a god damned bachelor if i have to.....

my life has been full of screw ups.... nothing work as i want it to.... studied so fucking hard last quarter for my maths class and i got a fucking C!!!!! hey...i didnt study much in my first calculus class and i stil lgot a B..... hell if i get better results by not studyin... wtf is wrong?

i hope tomorow the bus i take gets bombed by terrorists or what not... i just hope that happens....

I'm about to break soon .... don't know how much i can keep everything in me any longer....... there's like a million things on my mind now and none of them are good feelings.

whateverrrr .... im getting really sick now..... ERTGERHT $# W#%&%#^$@^

say what ever u want call me whatever u want think howver you want i dont care .. dont fucking care about anything anymore.....
ive hadenough of disappointing others and also myself....

there's only one thing i want to experience in this world.... nothing else really matters.... im not someone who wants to earn millions of bucks in life or be successful and own the world.... like hell it matters to me.... i just want to experience that one thing..... fully. thats the only goal in life i have now... i wouldnt be here typing all this crap if it wasnt for that. most of you wont even know me.

-=BoA: Lights of Seoul (English Version)

Laaalalalaaaaaa!!!!

I'm at the college's media (puter lab) waiting for my next class to start cuz i have nooothhinnn else bettaaa too doooo!! Was actually thinking of going to the library to study but then had one of my mood swings and I decided to come here instead...

Java class was .... siennnn.... I still dont know how Java is associated to the coffee cup .... weird... anyway was kinda tired in Java class so kinda slept through the whole thing.... yadda yadda yadda....... first few chapters seemed quite easy to follow anyway... not much difference from C programming.... except Java is easier to use!!

Hopefully I'll be able to get all As from this quarter on.... cuz my GPA now's like 3.402..... i need 3.5 or else my chance of getting into UCBerkeley's gonna be slim... ahh actually I sortof gave up on UC Berkeley already... don't think i have a chance of getting into it..... probably I'll just end up in UC San diego (hopefully, my 2nd choice), or UC Davis or one more UC..... cant remember which one but anyway....... kinda disappointed with myself...

yadda yadda yadda again.....

Listening to BoA's Atlantis CD.... except for one song everything else is in Korean... who cares if I don't understand what the hell she's saying but she's cute, i luv her voice n her songs are nicee! (well... some)

Hmm.... called up a friend this morning... ended up talking for two hours but since I need to use up my phone card which's expiring soon..... didnt really care.. wished I had time to talk to her longer but then had to leave for college... sux! :P Just realised she's sooooo different than me and so unlike what I thought of her at first... anywayssss....

Think I kinda regret not going clubbing when I was back in Malaysia or in high school..... see this is what happens when your friends arent exactly the type who goes clubbing.... also parents who dont want me to go cuz bad influence larr blah blah blah... hehe... I wish I knew how to drink too.... cuz i don't like drinking alcohol.... weird n bad taste... haha maybe wine's okay but beer..... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

Oohh. don't know how many times I've said this but.... I fall for a girl too easily.... any girl that seems nice and sweet.... catches my attention too easily..... its a stupid weakness that I hope to get rid of soon....

I live on feelings a lot... that's whats keeping me sane hehe.... if for once i stop liking or hving feelings for a person ill go mad.... maddd ... madddd...... yet another weakness i need to flush out of my system... being too emotional n tuned in with ur feelings is not exactly a great thing..........

.... I'm spending my time... watching the dayysss goo by.... feeling so small... I stare at the wall... hoping that you... are missing me too....

^^One of my fav songs.... been listening to it quite a lot too... what song? find out urselves!! bwahahaha...

Time to go! 12:10 already.... 12:30 class starts..... last class then i'm home free...... don't know if i should stay back after class to study... doubtful I will but if my mood swings to the 'studying' mood then yea you'll see me in the library extensively studying!! <--- Its a rare sight bytheway if u ask me

Ciaozzzzzzzzzzzz....................

- Tangshin-i cho-a-yo -

-=Winamp : Staind - So Far Away

Had a scary n weird dream today.. well can call it a nightmare lar.. but I'm not gonna share nightmares :P been having a rojak of different dreams lately.... even the dream i had which i wrote about during my last entry...was during a 30 min sleep... but it was kinda meaningful... as if it's trying to tell me something.... maybe its a message from God giving me the answers to the questions and the thoughts that I have been having over the past few weeks... don't know if I should be sad or happy.

I would be so much better if I didn't have feelings like these... would be so much better if the only feelings in the world were good feelings.

---
I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
---

A lot of thing's been bothering me...

I feel I've grown really distant with some of my friends that were once close...

Now I don't know who to go to for a talk... especially since that's what I really need right now...

I don't know why I've become so much of a whiner...

hmmmmm

aih.

Gotta go get ready for college ... i'd rather not keep myself idle n think about stuff too much...

-=Winamp : Sarah Mclachlan - Angel

I dreamt of you again
For half and hour, I slept and woke up on a train.
Lying on the comfy chair backwards inclined,
I turned and saw you, looking out the window, at the pines.
Where are we going? Nowhere.
Tired, dizzy, I laid back on my chair,
Thinking, this train has to end somewhere.
I closed my eyes, and I felt ur hand on mine.
Don't go, talk to me.. our fingers entwine.
Acting like the fool I am
I saw you smile, and held tight your hand.
I'll go with you on this journey, Ill be here
right till the very end.
Thank you.. the last words you said
I blinked, I was back on my bed.
I'm sorry, I wished I could have stayed,
I enjoyed that brief moment of felicity,
But it was a dream, unfortunately,
and this is reality.

-=Winamp : 3 Doors Down - Here Without You

I think I'm in love with this song... been playing in my list every single day! I guess it's the kind of song I can relate to well...

....
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love.
....

This song is in soo many ways true for me... I realize I fall easily in love, but I don't fall out easily... Even after I know its totally impossible or not likely at all, its still hard for me to stop loving... I think there's a word for it - Stubborn?

Ahh.. ERS's acting up again....

=\

-=Winamp : Roxette - Listen To Your Heart

Yarrrrr!! Finally set aside my laziness and posted up the Pen & Paper section.. thats where all my short stories(if I can find them to post up) and my poems that I've written..

Anyywwwwwwwaayy..... sheesh it's 4.40am and I'm awake.. I have the weirdest sleeping times hehe :P It's just that I like waking up at this time cuz its the best time of the whole day! Everyone else's sleeping.. it's all quiet.. a time of serenity...

Aw.... weekend's gone so fast.. can't imagine its Sunday already... heiyer gotta study today.. especially Math... dont know nonsense about it.... hmmph!

Oh well.. gonna go do some homework.

Later.

YAY!! its FRIDAY ITS FRIDAYY!!! TGIF!!

Just came back from college.. so sleepy in class... dont know why considering i slept for 8 hours today....

hmm anyway ..... the new Matrix theatrical trailer is out!! It's soo damnnnnn goood!! omg omg omg!! You Matrix fans out there go download or watch it Here. Can't wait for November the 5th!!

So many good movies coming out.. I heard LOTR:ROTK is coming out at the end of the year too (?) ... heh... Which reminds me gotta go download Underworld... so eager to watch it ... cuz Kate Beckinsale is in it... she was great in Serendipity but now with that skin tight black leather suit.... *gasp* a must see! lol. Kate Beckinsale roxxxooorrsss!

Things to do over the weekend: go shopping!!! Need to buy shampoo & conditioner, water(yea WATER), microwave food, dim sum, Oreos cookies, some deloba biscuits, drinks... Havent been able to do all those since i came back cuz had to settle myself down with college first... oooh i need to get my backpack too which i left behind at my uncle's house when i arrived here... sux man this whole week I had to do with a stupid old backpack of mine.. feels like its gonna break anytime with all my books inside...

Just did something stupid this morning when taking the bus.. but blah I'll tell some other time :PP

Lunch time.

-=Winamp : 3 Doors Down - Here Without You

A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight girl it's only you and me

-----------------------------------------

Heh.. been listening to this song and only this song for the past 2 days... Kinda stuck in my head now. so sesuai to what im thinking now... I like...!!!!! Especially the lyrics... *sighhh* hehe happy sigh

Haaaiiihh.. almost time for college.. no mood go college today... :P

*lazy*

-=Winamp : Final Fantasy VIII - Eyes on Me

*yawn* Am I the only idiot who wakes up at 3am around here??

*silence*

guess so....

Night class yesterday was nonsense... first hour was fine.. then 2nd hour started falling asleep.... beh tahan lar class till 8.10pm.. so damn dark already.. scarriee... then hv to take bus lar! at least that class's only on tues & thursdays so its all good.

I think i'm gonna be waking up everyday at this time ... thats when most of teh people back there in kl are online...

currently there's no one online that I wanna chat with so...... gonna go do some homework! :P

l a t e r z

-=Winamp : James Ingram feat. Dolly Parton - The Day I Fall In Love

Ya!!! Another nice song! Actually recommended by a friend. =P Thanks! L-y-r-i-c-s:

Just an ordinary day
Started out the same old way
Then I looked into your eyes and knew
Today would be a first for me
The day I fall in love

On the day I fall in love
Sky will be a perfect blue
And I'll give my heart forever more
To someone who is just like you
The day I fall in love

People all say love is wonderful
That the bells will ring
The birds will sing
The skies will open
I wonder where's that great big symphony
Roll over Beethoven
Won't you play with me

And I'll never promise to be true to anyone
Unless it's you
Unless it's you
The day I fall in love

Just an ordinary day
Started out the same old way
Then I looked into your eyes and knew
Today will be a first for me
A first for me
The day I fall in love
I know you'll be there
Ooh....I know...
The day I fall in love

*sigh* Nothing beats sitting down in ur own room, with aircond blowing over u from the back, leaning back on a manager's chair, and listening to great music while dreaming... dreaming the words in the lyrics of the song and imagining the whole song happening to you... make sense? :P I'm such a dreamer.. a dreamer of unrealistic dreams... distracting dreams... heh

Anyway... just got back from college.... so damn bloody hot out there... 85 Farenheit.. heiyerr... and the stupid bus driver missed my STOP!! grrrr.... i pulled the chord signalling the bus driver to stop at the next stop.. but he just went past it...*EXCCCCUUUUSSEEE MUUUAAAA YAA MISSED MY STOPPP!!!!* *emergency brakes applied* *THANK YOUUUUUU*. ..talk about who's dreaming man.....

I did mention it was bloody hot did I? feels so good to be in an air-cond room.. sipping a cup of Sprite with looootsa ice! I have another class later unfortunately at 5.30pm... its now 2.30pm... my schedule's quite screwed up larr... classes all so spread out....

*Me wonderful schedulee :
Mon-Fri 10.30-11.20 - Java Programming
Mon-Fri 12.30-1.30 - Differential Equations (Notice the stupid 1 hour break between)
Tuesday & Thursday 5.30-8.10pm Introduction to 8086/8087/8088 Assembly Language

Check it out!!! classes till night on tuesdays and thursdays!!! ARGHHHH
*

Feel like writing a poem now... but can't think of the words... nothing's coming out of my feeble mind ...

Been writing quite a lot in the past month... which reminds me I need to update the Pen & Paper section... gonna post my poems out there for whoever's interested in reading...used to have a short story that I wrote years ago too.. if i can find it :P i doubt there'll be anyone interested... Hardly anyone i know appreciates poems.. =(
I'll probably have it up by this weekend... heh need to sort out all my classes first....

More money spent today!!! grrrr.... bus trip for whole day $6, 2 textbooks $150, having a night class and missing a bus stop = priceless

*been watching too many Mastercard adverts.. sorry*

Lalallalla... what to do now till 5pm? No one's online to chat with.. should be about 5.30am in Malaysia now since its 2.30 in the US.. only crazy people like me would be online in malaysia at this time.. Should i sleep? worried I'll oversleep and wake up at 6pm... havent even add the 5.30 class so I'll have to go to class today to get an add slip from the instructor.. or else im pretty much screwed... can't afford to miss this class.. Play comp games?? So damn worried I wont survive the class... 2 and a half hours of mchine language man!! MACHINE LANGUAGE!!! U know that lifeless thing that you're using now ... yea... i'm learning their language... 10101010101010110100101101001010101001 .. soon I'll be able to decipher the Matrix codes! w00t!!

someone label me an official nut now....

Me act like a doink. Me like being a doink. >(*-*)< --wheeeeee!!

-=Winamp : Gary Barlow - Forever Love

I cried in my sleep last night
You just looked so familiar
I've seen you in my dreams alright.
I cried because I met you, and
became a victim of love at first sight.
How oft I stopped myself from falling
so easily, yet I did not put up a fight.
For once I let myself go
I don't know why, but I did, in the dim lights.

-=Winamp : Air Supply - All Out of Love

Trapped in this room
Cold, lonely, where darkness looms
I'm sick, tired and exhausted
Life's being a bitch, how am I not frustrated
Locked in this room for years
And everytime the door opens I try to leave
this darkness, these fears
You shut the door right before I could flee
I'm sick, tired, exhausted
not caring even to rhyme
Life you're really a bitch
How long will you be toying with me
I hope you'd stop doing that
Opening the door
Like you did yesterday
And closing it right in my face
like you do, always.

I just realized I'm a really perasan-ed fella.... bahhh!!

Its 6.22am and I'm awake! I guess its just me adjusting my sleeping times to coincide with the US time zones so when i get back there I dont suffer from jet lag...

Anyway just came back from playing comp games for 6 hours at a cybercafe at midvalley... so long haven't been to a cafe... well it was a bit fun.. not to say really really fun :)

Went to a BBQ at a friend's friend's house in damansara perdana... that was quite fun.. didn't know anyone there before... didnt even know Felicia/Feliteh/Feli or whatever (the person who's organising the BBQ) :P so happy got to meet so many new people today.. new friends.. :))))))

*sigh*
this goin back to US thing is getting me really frustrated.. I really wish I was just studying here in KL... so many things i wanna experience, I wanna try... but I know I can't possibly do so because I'm not around here in KL often =( Bah what I'm saying's pretty vague but... dont think i wanna explain it... not here.. :P

so dumb.. what the hell is a papaya farm??? Its a colloquial/slang for something.... something callled a brothel.... few of the girls at the party started talking about it and we were like... huh?? never heard of it also...... Why call a brothel a papaya farm? cant seem to relate papayas to prostitutes.... hmmmph... I dont like papayas.. suck taste !

Great day!! couldve been better if I hadn't had to go off to US this saturday... or any day for that matter... heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

ah I need to get my beauty sleep :)

Ta Ta !

As I stared into the mirror today,
I looked into the other's eyes
Who are you? Hi?
His lips could only mimic mine.
I wonder, if what I see
is what everyone else sees.
I see a person with a history,
I wish you'd tell me, I promise not to tell anybody.
Nothing, no reply, maybe he doesn't wanna say.
Yet I see
His eyes still gleaming with the tears from yesterday.
Tears from the past, not wanting to go away.
I see a soldier fighting an everyday war
His face scarred with wounds, with sores.
Not a victory yet to his name,
Will it forever remain the same?
Tell me! Sigh. Maybe another day.
For now I have to go, I can't stay.
I wish I'd knew you more
We'll meet again, I'll see you tomorow.

-=Winamp : Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle - A Whole New World

Arghhh.... this s t u p i d lady at the counter of MV's cosmic bowl.... soo beeeeeeeettchhieeeeeeeee!!! Finished playing a damn blur game of bowling (yet still got 159.. how the hell????) at about 4.58pm and I wanted to play another one larr... then who knows that counter-biatch said student price (RM3 per game) only valid till 5pm... and IT WASNT 5PM YET!!!! still got 2 damn MINUTESS!!!!! even the system clock at the lanes also said 4.58pm!! Wanted to charge me 6 bucks for a game.... ahhhhh so tak shiok played only 1 game.....

Haihhh.. so many distractions today and past maybe 2 days? Lots of things lar..... don't think I wanna talk much about it anyway... trying not to messs up my feelings today :) *smiiiileeeeeee* .... *ahh...better*

OMG who says no girls who play computer games are chunted???? Just realized there's this korean girl, Lena, who's darn good at starcraft, warcraft!! and she is.. *gasp* Why CANT I meet a girl like that!!! LOL *yea fat hopes*

*me thinks me should book a flight to korea and study there instead of U S of A*

LeNa's Website

-=Winamp : 98 Degrees - Was It Something I Didn't Say

....

Was it something I SHOULDN'T have said??

The past seemed so far away
The voices long thought to be gone
Thought to be....
How I wish I didnt have this mind,
then I would remember nothing.
I would be free of any feelings,
And I would be empty of thoughts.
It is thinking which makes me foolish
to think about how today
I would be spending every minute
thanking God for this day 19 years ago..
I am foolish
to think in a different universe where everything,
and everything went perfect,
(is that not the universe of the Virgo?)
I would be right beside you tonight
watching the stars till they disappear into dawn,
watching everything else disappear,
everything but us two..
I am not, unfortunately, in that kind of world..
This is the real world, where goodbyes need to be said
where nothing goes the way you want it to
I hope one day,
I will be able to say
my final good-bye.


Goodnight world.

-=Winamp : Atlantic Starr - Always

Girl you are to meeee.... allll that a woman should be.....

I wanna go mamak now... but there's no mamak nearby and no one to go with... all happily sleeping......

So hungry... so not sleepy... and I'm singing in the middle of the night....

......................

annndd forevverrr... it will be.. you and mee..........

-=Winamp : Do As Infinity - Tangerine Dream

.... It's Sept 14th 1.30am... I just realized that tomorow's someone's bday..... someone..... so many things coming back now... =\

-=Winamp : Air Supply - Goodbye

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and i sympathize
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say good-bye
*******

I like this song!!! cuz its sooo sad.... lol. I dont know why but I like songs, movies, that are reallllly sad... I like songs that I can cry to while just thinking of the lyrics...*sigh* Yea I'm kinda screwed up huh?

*wonders if there's a classification or a word to describe people like me.. people who enjoy sadness, pain, hurt (emotionally, not physically, so don't go around hitting me ok.....) *

Well I haven't been updating my blog at all in the past week... just didn't have the mood to blog. If I did though I'd probably be complaining and bitchin' abot my life being sucky in my entries. I think the night is having really bad effects on me... I'm a night person, but it's always at night where I become really moody, my feelings really get thrown and basically, I feel like shit... Maybe it's because I'm flying back to the US next Saturday afternoon, and I'm quite hesitant in going back...

The 1 1/2 months I've spent back here home had me really regretting going over to the US to study. Well I didn't wanna go in the first place, I wasn't keen on going there ... felt it was better if I had studied back here in KL, not have my parents spend so much money on me since I don't do well academically... I've had people telling me I;m lucky to be able to go overseas to study, yea I'm lucky to them.. but I dont consider myself lucky.. I'd think me being lucky would be me not being able to get my student Visa on the day of my flight and thus, me not being able to go over to the U S of A to study.

Why, you ask?? Well I don't really fancy going to such a far away place and have my parents spend so much money on me.... After being there for a year I've realized how much better I would be back in KL studying in a local college.... I don't click with people over there in the US, just not my type of people... only people I can click with are my roommates probably but still they get on my nerves at times... Then also I miss my friends back here in KL... I feel very insecure making new friends over there in the US... *sigh* so many other reasons.....

Oh well.... *shrug*

*looks at ICQ list... discovers there isn't anyone interesting to talk to online* haih... don't think I wanna talk to anyone anyway right now... been pretty cold and harsh while chatting with people online during the past week.. said things I probably shouldn't have said, let my feelings get the better of me, bitching about life to other people... I haven't been myself recently... its just... so many feelings, thoughts, emotions, regrets, depression... I believe that's just who I am.. and if I hadn't been able to control them before I wouldn't be here blogging already... I think I've begun to lose control over them recently... =(

Ever had this sudden feeling of sadness, yet you don't know whats really causing the sadness? Ever felt really depressed and felt like crying not because of something but because of everything? Ever had a sudden rush of questions through ur mind and not being able to keep up with them, unable to find all the answers? Ever felt like you deserve so much more?

The past's been haunting me a lot too... it's interesting how just one single incident that happened in ur life can change everything, the way you think and deal with things, for the rest of your life... been feeling really insecure after that incident about getting into a relationship, or even pursuing one... so afraid of getting hurt again... and I so want things to work well the next time I go for a try at a relationship..

I think what I'm missing is loving someone.. the feeling of falling in love... and the fact that I stop myself everytime from doing so because I'm afraid of being hurt, rejected, again... and I'm studying in the US... I know I can't possibly let myself fall for someone.... see.. this sucks... wanting something and yet knowing that you wont be able to get it .. knowing that you have to sacrifice that craving because of other things..... again, I dont know if u get what I mean but... I dont know how else to put it....

And I have this huuuuge feeling that I'm gonna lose one or two friendships, or grow even more distant... I'm so afraid of losing certain people in my life... I don't know what I would do without them... =~(

I feel like hugging someone . . . . . . . . . . . . .

how i long to fall in love again... *craving sigghhhh*

OMG OMG OMG yesterday finished typing an entry.... *publish* *Server error* *Screaming heard all around Taman Persiaran Desa area* jor I think I am seriously cursed.. server had to be down only after I finish typing my entry.

So.... ahhh I just had a really nice dream day before yesterday.. I can say it's like one of the bestest dreams I've had in a while!
Well in the dream I was on the bed with a special someone I love *well not anyone I know or remember in reality... can't really remember how she looked like except for a few features...so we were lying on our sides under the comforter naked... staring into each other's eyes... then there was this really sweeeeet smile on her face and she whispered 'hey'... I know i did say something else to her but all I remember was replying 'hey' and her giggling and smiling *sigghhhhhhhh* ...

Despite it being a dream it was like amazingllyy real... could feel all the emotions.. the bliss... intense joy... the atmosphere... then I had my hands over her shoulders.. playing around with her hair... caressing her face... *sighhhhhhhhhhhh* it was sooooooo nice.. the feelings.... feeling of being crazy in love.. when I woke up I was like... damn I wish i dreamt that every single night... heiyyyyerrrr !!! those kind of dreams probably wont come to me in another 20 years! I know there was more to the dream too but I can't remember some parts of it.... *happy sighhhhh*

*steps back into reality*

On to other things.... hehe

ahhhhh today was a really boring sunday... well probably because I was extremely tired the whole day.. slept at 1am and woke up at 10am and I still felt sooo tired... contacts were dry too when at church... during sermon some more.... so damn irritating... fell asleep during the 2nd half of the sermon though... I dont usually fall asleep during sermons especially when I'm at the youth praise n worship service but today it was our church's 106th aniversary I THINK... so there was only the main sanctuary service.... so not used to singing hymns but it was okay :)

Went eat at a hawker stall after that with family.... spent aobut 140 on noodles.... hehe yea.. 140 bcks eating noodles at a hawker stall ..... well it was good stuff though :P came home after that... entertained myself by channel surfing on the tv... ahhhhh i dont wanna elaborate... gonna put everyone to sleep

Speaking of sleep.. I mentioned that i was really 'awake' today didnt I ?I'm soooooo wanting to go dream again...

*yea right fat hopes larr that you'll get those kind of dreams again*

It felt .... so real..

*saves entry before publishing*

-=Playing in my head: Trisha Yearwood - How Do I Live

Don't know why I prefer Trisha Yearwood's version that the Leann Rimes one... just think it sounds better :|

Day was ... I mean.. has never been this tiring before.. been doing nothing much the whole day except walking and walking and walking... why?? Summary of events :

Noon - went bowling, 4 games. Level of tiredness: Low
2pm - walked around MV looking for nice place to have lunch. Level of tiredness: I need to find somewhere to eat now!! *KFC*
3pm - walked to Rowan's house, 10 minute walk. Left stuff there then headed for mamak to get a drink. Walk was downhill all the way so it wasn't that tiring.
3.30pm - walked back up to the house. UPHILL..... Level of tiredness after reaching the house: Moderate.
4.30pm - screwed up friend's monitor... hehe fyi I AM destructive... walked back to MV to look for new monitor. after all friend's bday this wednesday so thought just get him a new monitor as bday pressie :P.
5.00pm - walked around IT world asking if they could fix monitors, but its so wonderful that no one there fix monitors. Got prices for monitors. Level of tiredness: I don't think I can walk much more...
5.30pm - walked back to Rowan's house... first thing i did was drop dead on the sofa... my legss.....
6.30pm - had to walk back HOME coz parents were out and won't be back till 10pm =(.. and anyone who's been to my house knows how many hills ya need to walk up..... grrrrrr . At this point.. TOTALLY EXHAUSTED.. couldn't even walk up the stairs to my room... heiyerrrrrrrrrr!!

Stupid me.. shouldnt have messed with the monitor.. what could I do? the monitor was changing colors like nobody's business.. from totally red.. totally green.. to totally blue... and after tweaking around with the monitor cable I finally got it back to the original color.. except that the red was displaying as very very dark red... So i itchy larrr tried to make it better... ended up screwing the whole thing up. Now it can't even display anything at all... sheeeeeeeeeeeeeshhhhh.

Heh... good news is my friend doesnt need to worry about jiggling the wires everytime anymore. Bad news is that he doesn't need to jiggle the wires anymore (coz its kaput.. doh...).

At least I get to kill 2 birds with one stone... 'fix' the problem that I created, and at the same time giving the monitor to him as a bday pressie :P

Oh well.. I shouldve known better and left the monitor even if the red was displayed as dark red... at least it could still work...
you see.. I have a history of trying to fix things, and in the end messing it up even worse.... hehe let me see... when my computer's cd drive couldnt be detected, I messed around with the cabling.... jumpers on the motherboad.. and in the end the whole comp couldnt start... another time was when I looked at the back of the computer for the first time and saw this switch, which was actually the voltage changer... instead of 220V i switched it to 120 volts... fuse blew.... oh yea there's one more time when my comp was being very slow so I started installing some programs... tried to tweak the Windows 98 I had.. and in the end for some reason I screwed up a very important windows file - the registry. Had to format the entire harddrive.

I think you get the point... if not then you're pretty much more screwed up than me :P

nooooooo!!! I feel so guilty....... heiyyyyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

-=Winamp : Nickelback - Someday

yerrr!! can't get into hotmail .. not that I'm expecting a mail bt just to clean up all the 'IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ' and 'FREE BREAST IMPLANTS' emails (well you get the point) that i get... I hope they pass a law that prohibits spam mail from being sent without consent..

Ever felt happy yet sad at the same time?? what do you call that? sappy? *shrugs* its like.. feeling happy because of something and yet feeling sad because of that same thing... *sighhhh*

I give up... feelings cant be expressed by words....

Yay I just got house keys to my friends house!! :P he'll be going away for a trip to Taman Negara for 4 days (don't know wtf you can do in Taman Negara in 4 days.. soooo damn long.. I figure 2 days in that place is enough) and since I go to his place almost everyday to use the comp or just chill out after going to MV, easier and more convenient for me.. hehe! :) Suddenly I feel wealthy having 2 houses and beign able to choose which house to stay at each day during these 4 days .. w00t!

"To see you is what my eyes long for, to touch you is what my body longs for, but to love you, my heart has done already for a long time."
-Lena Nemke

-=Winamp : U2 - One

Nice song!! Not that I listen to U2 a lot just that the song came on the radio few days ago and I like!!

Don't know why I'm having a headache.. woke up at 2pm today.. so shouldn't I be awake but yet I'm slowwwlyyy driftinggg away.y. .y...

Didn't do much today except paid an unexpected visit to a friend, and it was quite fun... haven't seen her for so long so it was pretty relieving and comforting to meet and talk to her again... :)

*mumbles something about stewpid KTM-always-on time-and-very-efficient service* thats what happens when you can't drive.... =
And I have no idea why but I'm feeling especially eager to go sleep and dream a nice, good, sweet, wonderful dream (hopefully :P).. so off I go!

*lights off*

-=Winamp : Jay Chow - Kai Bu Liao Kou

The night beckons
It ends, a day of adventure
wandering dangerously in a hostile world.
Nothing matters anymore
Not even the raindrops on the roof
nor the howl of the wolves
A smile, a kiss goodnight to reality
As I close my eyes, and
enter a world of fantasy.

-=Winamp : Britney Spears - Born To Make You Happy

I've waited so long
Whoever you are
Whenever you'll appear
Or will you ever?
I know you're out there
The stars I gaze at in the night
Bright lights in the sky
They spell out your existence
We'll find each other
One day
We won't be so far apart
You'll be here
I'll be here
The stars we'll keep
close to our hearts.

Feeling so hopeless.. Can't seem to find the right words to say to people nowadays, used to be able to offer advice to friends who are having problems and now it's like... *emptY inside*

I wish I could do something.. I feel really hurt and down too when I see my friends feeling down, depressed, or having problems... Kinda sucks to be an over-emotional person... The fact that I can't seem to help out... *sigh* I wish I was the only one suffering in this world... I'd rather have that than see people, friends suffering.

why....

Why..........?

I hate days like these where it's just bloody boring... Sunday night, tmr's a public holiday and there's hardly anyone online? heh.. I'm the only one not having a life eh?

I hate it when there's boredom lingering all around me.. I get really moody.. I get really frustrated... ahhhhhhhhhh someeeonneee HELLLPP meeeee!! sick and tired of everything... fun does not exist anymore in my world

Fuck life.

-=Playing in my head: Matchbox Twenty - Unwell

*sigh* Just came back from SJMC.. went to visit my grandpa in the ICU who underwent surgery yesterday to insert a battery coz his heartbeat is below normal.. kinda cool that the device can detect a drop in heart rate and helps the heart beat at a normal rate. Don't know why but everytime I visit a person in the hospital I have this weird feelings of sadness and pity to see people lying in beds attached to the monitoring machines, and also the thought that I would be lying there someday too. Grandpa's okay, he'll be released from the hospital tomorow.

Is it that worth it to pay few tens of thousands to prolong one's life... even when that person's already like 80+ years old...? Death is emminent, to all of us, and thats just delaying the inevitable. If I were to make a choice I would just let nature take it's course and if it's my time to die so let it be... Anyway damn scary just now when leaving the hospital.. one lady was being wheeled from a car to the emergency room I assume and she was screaming and all that.. macam orang giler... dont know if it's pain or what but... yerrr... so damn loud screaming and screeching....

Today = hibernation day. Slept pretty late last night (about 2am) and I got up at 12noon today.. Went downstairs, ordered dominos pizza, ate, and went back to sleep.. then woke up later in the evening for dinner and went visit my grandpa at SJMC. Going to sleep soon too... for some reason I feel quite... tired.. probably just boredom

I realize everytime I write something on the computer whether it be on icq or blog or email.. I keep putting so many dots................. bad habit...

Yay tmr going KLCC watch movie.... Pirates of the Carribean.. finally going somewhere else except MV... i go MV like an average of 5 times a week... anyway.. I heard when I was in US from my friends there that it is a damn cool movie... hopefully it is. Oh and for anyone who wants to watch the Medallion, don't even go buy the VCD.. it sucks I heard... can contend with The Hulk for the most terrible movie ever produced this year. HULK was TERRIBBBLEEE!!! yerrrr.... disappointment..

Yerrr... was listening to Britney Spears' From the Bottom Of My Broken Heart.. used to listen to it a lot last time..ahhh brought back some memories I didn't want to remember.... well Britney Spears now sux.. her new songs are all so sluttish... and yucks... I still like her old songs though... like... Sometimes, I Was Born To Make You Happy, well most songs from her first album.... ahh Christina Aguilera another one... now also her songs and her videos getting a bit like Britney's ... but at least Christina's got the voice and her songs now are still better than Britney's..

And wtf is wrong with ICQ.. or is it my puter? Keeps getting disconnected...... fraaaassss!!!

Hmmm I shouldn't have quit piano classes when I was 6 yrs old.. come to think of it, its kinda fun being able to play well on the piano, be able to read scores and not screw up like I do.. I can only play easy songs.... I get a stuupid headache when I see too many notes.... bah what a noob

>(*v*)<

sh!t... LoL I'm updating my blog like.. once in a week :P I realize nowadays I'm losing stamina? Come home everynight from wherever I was (usually friend's house) , damn tired, just bathe, go online spend half an hour on Earth 2025, then go sleep.... used to be able to stay up till 5am... I DID stay up till at least 4am everyday when I came back last December.. now its like.. sleepin at 11.00pm.. sometimes even earlier

I'm soooo sleeeepy now... 1.52am.... Was gonna update my blog earlier but then had to talk to a friend cuz she was having some problems.... *sigh* people are having so many relationship problems ... --- I have come to a conclusion that love sucks --- (Can't believe I.... of all people... am saying that) I mean seriously... having feelings for someone... or liking someone and thinking that he/she likes you too.... or just going after someone not knowing if that guy/girl likes you or not, and in the end after learning that he/she doesnt like you as much as you do, you complaaain, regrreeett, think that person is a bitch or a jerk, blah blah whateverrrrrr.... (I'm not referring to anyone.. just saying in general)

Men are so stubborn really... It's funny that when a girl is being nice to a guy the guy will usually think that girl likes him.. is there a word for it? perasan? oh yea... thats it! The thing is guys don't know that girls prioritize friendships than relationships when compared to guys... guys ar.. susah... guys would sacrifice a friendship just to try and get into a relationship with a girl... like for example... Get what I mean ? As in, guys don't realize that they'll probably lose a friend when they try to go for a girl and it doesn't work out well.. so they just jump right in trying to get into a relationship with the girl... stubborn!!!! Girls however they'd rather preserve a friendship than jump into a relationship and then losing a friendship later when the relationship doesnt work out.

So tired to think already...

Oooohhh had jap buffet on saturday.. everything was yummy... except that we were all thinking of hepatitis B while eating the sashimi.. thanks to.. err... I wonder WHO??????? it was all good lar :P only 4 people went so we didn't eat much salmon sashimi.. total of 200 only.. even the waitresses were surprised cuz they know we usually order like 300 or more salmon sashimis.... hell we even ate 150 salmon sashimis under 5 minutes last year when 5 of us were eating there! Took the opportunity to pass Nigel his belated b'day present :)

I'm gonna go eat Jap buffet again probably in another 2-3 weeks time , definitely before I leave... Its gooood food I tell ya..

Church today was pretty okay.. witnessed 2 of my friends and my cousin get confirmed as members of the church. Had lunch at church after that cuz they organized some catering lunch thing for those that got confirmed and their sponsors and family.. So just went makan lar.. food wasn't that nice, didn't eat much too!

Is it a good thing to have a crush on someone? or be attracted to someone? I kinda like the feeling that you get when you meet or see or talk with the person that you like... feels nice, warm, fuzzy... But its not totally nice though... cuz knowing that you can't possibly get together with that person, not knowing if he/she is the right one for you... the fact that you study overseas and come back once or twice a year doesn't really help too... *sigh* Sweet, cute, a smile that just melts the heart, mature, easy to get along with and good humoured, just a littttle shy, but just reaaaaalllyyy swwweeeeeeettttttttttttt!!!!!! *sigh*

Anyyywaay don't have any plans for tomorow(monday) ... probably go bowling at MV and finishing Time Crisis 2 5 times again.... so ke lian... come back to malaysia when all my friends ARENT having their holidays... not exactly entertaining :)

----
Dream, dream dream dream, dream, dream dream dream

When I want you in my arms, when I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is

Dream, dream dream dream

When I feel blue in the night, and I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, any time, night or day
Only trouble is, gee wiz, I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die, I love you so, and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is

Dream, dream dream dream, dream

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, any time, night or day
Only trouble is, gee wiz, I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die, I love you so, and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is
----

^^ Song that's playing in my head.. used to love to sing it in karaoke when I was young... dreeeeeaaaaaaaam, dream dream dreaamm, dreaaaaaaaaaammm.. For some reason I have it playing in my head ....

-=Winamp : Michael Learns To Rock - Sleeping Child

Bah my winamp playlist kinda sux... all the old songs that I used to listen to in high school when I had this comp.. Better than no music at all though.. I can't use the comp with no music playing cuz I'll either fall asleep or go do something else.. which will most liekly end up in me sleeping anyway.

Day today wasn't that productive.. Didn't plan to go anywhere actually.. supposed to stay home, rest, not go out spending too much money(which I already did last week) and yea so I stayed at home. Woke up at about 10am.. I don't know why but I've been pretty tired lately and sleeping a lot. I actually TRIED to play the piano today, and I can't believe I spent like almost all of my free time today trying to play the piano.. as I said.. T-R-Y-ing ... then my youngest brother who's Std 3 became damn irritating.. I was playing Auld Lang Syne (which is an easy peice), and he comes to me and starts playing some difficult piece and he did it like REALLY FAST... show-off.. purposely did that to irritate me... grrrrr... I admit I'm an uber-noob when it comes to musical instruments.

OOhh just had steam boat just now for dinner.... didn't eat much considering that I skipped lunch and breakfast. I'm not on a diet, why would I when I'm in Malaysia with so much good food.. just that I didn't have any appetite to eat.. so not in the mood to eat... PMS?? Actually I DO have mood swings.. its kinda irritating at times, for my parents at least. At first I tell them wanna go somewhere, then later on I get my mood swing and when they're ready to send me there I say I dont wanna go.. same thing with studies.. I can't study unless I'm in a REALLY good mood..

Oiiii!! Rotiboy's like the bread-of-the-house now.. Today for the 4th day in a row my parents bought Rotiboy home..Never a day without fail I find at least 5 Rotiboys on the dining table everyday.. what the hell did they put in the bread???? some addictive stuff surely.. my mom n dad loves it.. my youngest brother loves it... I, being a pastry-freak, needless to say more. It's the bread to die for... thats their catch phrase or something like that.

I can't believe some people are SO ignorant about their health... hey blame me for being overly-concerned for a really close friend?! So many people having health problems lately.. my 80+ years old grandpa's gonna go for a surgery some time soon for a much needed battery for his heart cuz his heartbeat is low and faint.. It just came to my mind then how life is so fragile and yea grandpa's dying and everytime I think of it I get really sad coz I don't wanna lose him =( Yung Han also had Hepatitis B, it was really bad a year ago... I heard now he's doing a lot better already.. Thank God for that.. :) Then just heard from Nigel Ben got into a car accident today... got away with minor bruises... really made me think how delicate and fragile life is...

Yay Yung Han's coming over tmr! Hopefully he's able to come.. I haven't seen him for long and its great to be able to meet up with a good ol' friend again! Don't know where we'll be going after that though..

Was reading Nadia's blog earlier on and it got me thinking about that 'God will deliver the right one to you' and 'Whether the one you think is the right one, is really the right one?' issue.... how do you actually know whether the person that you fall in love with is the one that God has sent to you? By saying 'you'll just know when the time comes' doesn't answer the question, but is, ironically, the only thinkable answer? Well I guess one has to trust in God. Getting into a relationship isn't easy, knowing whether the person who's in the relationship with you is the right one or not is even more difficult..=\ Though I believe that it's possible for someone to find his/her soul partner in the first relationship when picking 'carefully', a part of me believes that finding the 'right' one is still a matter of trial and error, that is, that one finds the right one by coupling with one... then if it doesnt work out , find another, and so on, until you find the right one that you marry and spend the rest of your life with. Get it? Most people think that those few who wants the first person he/she falls in love and shares a romantic relationship with to be the 'right' one as people having unrealistic, stupid ideals. I guess I'm one of those 'unrealisitc people' then... When people ask me I tell them that getting into a relationship which you think does not have a secure future, is a waste of time, and why bother getting into the relationship in the first place if it has a high probability of not lasting? Is it that worth it to survive the consequences of a broken relationship? The statistics speak for themselves.. How many husband/wives you know had known each other and retained a relationship with each other since high school? No career at this age, whole commitment is hard to come by in BOTH guy n girl, basically no one is fully settled down yet..

*SigH* Yet again, I'm thinking maybe it's worth it to get into a relationship at this age... even though the future's insecure. Cuz everyday I see couples doing things couples do .. makes me feel that I'm missing a lot.. It would be so nice to wake up every morning to have that special someone on your mind, to plan your weekend date with that someone thinking of new ideas to make it even more special and romantic, having someone to think of everytime, someone to talk to on the phone, someone to think of when listening to a soft romantic songso nice to be able to go to a park after a movie to have a glass of wine and stare into the starlit skies and for once totally ignoring everything else in the entire world except you, your partner, and the stars... *gasp* I think I'm fantasizing too much... well basically.. I miss the feeling of being in love, and being loved (not that I've been loved before but..)... Yea if u ask me I think about it everyday... I think I'm just being a wuss and afraid to get into a relationship... maybe I am... Everything's so conflicting.. I hate it sometimes that I have to stop myself when I find that I'm falling for someone (that kinda happened very recently), I don't know when I will let loose all my principles and just let my emotions and heart guide me... or whether I'll regret doing that or not.

Ahhh!! Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not the One HAD to play on my playlist.. how PERFECT! So irritating how certain songs can pop up at certain times when you're thinking about certain things...

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I like the lyrics.. especially the chorus... though I'm not really a fan of Daniel's.. don't like his other songs... by the way did Evanescence had a song titled "Where Will You Go" that's not in their album?

..... ICQ just disconnected... it's been like disconnecting and reconnecting for the past 2 hours and its getting really frustrating especially when you're halfway chatting with someone..... bodoh betul ni ICQ....

On a funnier note I just came across some really funny shit... this guy on the internet cybersex-harrassing some girls.. here are some excerpts:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

----------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

-------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
__________


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!



Okay maybe that was a bit long.. but its damn funny.. and its not even all of it :P

*Sighhhhhh* Long day :) Gotta go get some nice sleep... Gnitez and God Bless everyone!!

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly - Langston Hughes

-=Winamp : Evanescence - My Immortal

AhHhHhH... it's been looooongg! I haven't been online at all the past few days.. been pretty tired after coming home from wherever I went in the mornings during the past few days. Didn't really want to come online tonight too partly cuz of laziness and I'm reaaaly sleepy.. but had to clean up my mailbox and catch up on Earth 2025(an online text and web based multiplayer game).. Don't wanna be kicked out of my clan for inactivity.....

Past few days been pretty busy... went out KLCC with Nigel, Mark and Shazli.. twas' Nigel's birthday but then went there just to meet up wasn't really a celebration thingy.. anyway cuz Siang Mun was working at Dome at KLCC so Nigel wanted to go there kacau her lar.. it was damn stupid seriously... we were like.. betting on whether this girl sitting on the opposite table was a girl from our sec school.... (well she didnt look like her but our good friend Nigel thought so :P) so we looked at her table at her lar... then Mark was talking some shit and we were laughing... then this friend of that girl started coming to our table and asked in a damn bitchy way "Is there a problem cuz you guys are staring and laughing at us.. " WTF?????? Fucking perasan! We were obviously looking at them cuz we were trying to take a closer look whether it was 'her' but then they werent a funny sight.... doinkness betul... Funny thing was when Nigel WAVED to that girl when she looked at him... we could see from her lips she was saying 'who the fuck is that' and all of us burst out laughing... see lar Nigel... told you its not her.!! Funny shit... anyways was supposed to go Atmos clubbing (whereever that is) at about midnight but then couldn't go cuz had church the next day =\ Still need to pass bday pressie to Nigel... probz on this coming Saturday...

I saw an angel at church today.. a really sweet angel!! Never realized she was that sweet looking... *sighhhh* hehe :) It felt kinda weird that I was thinking about it the whole day.. *shrugs* Well other that that church was great today... pastor was talkin about why sometimes bad things happen to good people.. Sometimes I wonder that life sucks.. why must it be that good people get bad luck, or bad things happen to them, ie health problems like cancer, relationship problems, death, losing of a job, etc? It's so damn unfair... the worst people get all the good luck... I don't wanna go any further on that...

w00t!! Just had dinner at Overseas restaurant at Jln Imbi.. its the best Chinese restaurant around... had sun hok (my fav fish), buttered prawns, yun choy, shark's fin soup, yam cake with spicy chicken pieces n cashew nuts, tau foo, and pancakes with peanut soup for dessert.. the fish was awweesomme !! though it cost like 200 bucks.. wasn't even half the fish...

Vouchers for jap buffet at Kampachi's already here..!! yayaya!! Gonna go jap buffet this coming Sat... though i'm kinda stuffed now but salmon sashimi, prawn tempuras, beef teppanyaki, udon noodles, miso soup, and all is making me hungry.... Gonna try break the record my friends and I held the last time we went there for the most salmon sashimi eaten in under 5 minutes - 150 pieces.. that was only about 5 people eating 150 salmon sashimis under 5 minutes... this time we're targetting 200 pieces :) *hopefully we don't die halfway doing that*

Hmmm been having some really queer, interesting dreams lately... Most of them I can't remember though except for a dream or two.. It's funny how people tend to forget dreams, even the ones that they just dreamt a few minutes ago.. Do dreams come to us as a temporary memory that disappears gradually after we wake up till we have, if nothing, only just small tiny fragments of the dreams? If only we could record down every single bit of our dreams and review them when we wake... and re-dream the ones we like... *sigh* so wasted that dreams, even the nicest ones can just be forgotten so easily..

It's late. Sweet dreams everyone.

Dreams slip by us, disappear, forgotten, lost in the unconscious - all we remember is that we dreamt, and it was a nice dream.

Hmm okay it seems that the W32.Blast worm is worse than I thought.. I didn't know that it is the same worm that shuts down Windows XP/2000 when you go online... It pops up a dialog window saying "Windows will shut down in 1 minute" or something like that. Friend had a problem like it before but he's lucky that dialog box crashes at 59 secs :P

So anyone who has that same problem, or to anyone owning windows XP who HAS NOT had that problem, go download the patch at the windows update website

or go here I have a link to a fix for that worm

Click for fix

Thanks to Belthesar of Mercenaries Incorporated (FFA server Earth 2025) for the fix to this problem.

Any of u want another fix contact me. Or just do a Google search on MSBlast fix and you should find some easily

Its good to have a Windows ME system (pats computer)

-=Winamp : Utada Hikaru - Sakura Drops

Greeeeaaaattt... just woke up like.... a few hours ago? 10pm to be exact. Slept for more than 12 hours.. pigg!! Came back home at 7am this morning though, thats probably why I was so tired.. besides I was out the whole afternoon too yesterday.. went Midvalley with friend for lunch at Sushi King.. they were having some unagi promotion thing? or something like that, but there weren't like many dishes with unagis... I loooooveee eating grilled unagis <- eeeeeel | especially with that sweet teriyaki(?) sauce coated on... spent 30RM and it wasn't even filling.. still so damned not value at all.. I'd rather eat jap buffet for 60RM where you can order like 200 pieces of salmon sashimis.

So yesterday I went out the whole night/morning for the first time since.... december of last year? Went out with my friends play WC3 TFT at Damansara Jaya... was kinda tired before we left for there but what the hell... I missed going out and hanging out with friends till 7am in the morning. sStupid... at the mamak for about 1 hour + .. I was almost 'dead'... so freaking tired... used to be able to stay at mamak for few hours in the mornings... wasn't even listening to what everyone was talking about.. they weren't talking much also anyway.. most i heard was about japanese porn stars... me falling asleep during a discussion on japanese porn stars??

This Satuday supposed to go Kampachi at Equatorial Hotel eat jap buffet... but don't know if going also or not... haven't even called a lot of people to ask to go too... anyway most likely not lar... next week also no problem larrrr right? thats if my hunger for raw fish doesn't kill me.. Just heard my mom's getting 60RM vouchers for the jap buffet at Kampachi. but not arrived yet. if it actually arrives before saturday then I'm goinggggggggg on saturdaaayyy!

Stupid... looks like I'm not goin to sleep for the whole night.. anyone bored too give me a hollerrrrrrrr ... can't play any games on this old piece of junk .. pentium 3 800 with 128mb RAM and not even an average graphics card... =\ no one's online to talk to alsooo!! *someone plzzz put me back to sleeeep*

For those peeps having windows XP on their comp... better get fixes for worms/trojans installed. Just found out from a friend that there's a new self-run worm that infects a random IP, and the worm'll start doing nonsense to your comp and do DoS attacks on Windows Update after the 15th of every month. Friend had to format his PC 3 times cuz of it not knowing he could get a fix from Microsoft Windows Update... anyone don't know about Microsoft Windows Update just click on Start->Windows Update and install the critical updates, or go to Internet Explorer, Click Tools in the menu, then click Windows update. Another alternative is to go to Windows Update.

BoA is sooo cuuuteeeee!!!!

-=Winamp : Fin.K.L - Blue Rain

Rottttiiiibooyy!!! Just had a taste of the all-famous bread today. It was okay.. nice but a little too greasy maybe. Heiyer can't believe MV nowadays so packed.. even on the weekdays... this morning at 11am the parking lot was like..... so full.. tried to find parking also cannot. mum got really frustrated.

Yea went looking for the rubber earpiece cushion today at KLCC.. go so far and spent 4 bucks on Putra LRT just to find out that they DON'T have that spare part at Sony Wings... ask me go Tanjung Bandar Utama pulak! sheesh... did the price of the Putra LRT tickets just went up or am I just imagining things??? So bloody ex. Thank god they had free shuttle from the Bangsar station to MV...

Had the worst game of bowling today.. the alley is TILTED DOWN towards the right!!! All my bowls shouldve been strikes :P but somehow they all mysteriously veer into the right side.. strange....:)

Just had someone say I developed an accent... Don't think I did though.. I still sound like the same ol' me.. maybe just the absence of Singlish larrrrrrrrrrrrrr (irony intended). is it a good thing or a bad thing to develop an accent anyway??

Head's spinning.... Taking a rest tomorow @ home.. unless friends wanna go out..... on a weekday....

! Sweet dreams peeps ! *hopes to meet that mysterious girl in my dreams again* :]

"When I consider this carefully, I find not a single property which with certainty separates the waking state from the dream. How can you be certain that your whole life is not a dream?" - Rene Descartes (One of my favourite philosophers.. was just reading a book on him in MPH.. Descartes rox!)

-=Winamp : Leann Rimes - How Do I Live

Songs on this old comp of mine so... old... and unfamiliar.. except certain ones like the one's thats playing now =| . Just had a hell of a day.. literally hell.. so hot and humid. Well arrived at about 7.30am at KLIA and took KLIA Express to Sentral where my dad picked me up. Was about 8.30-9am then. Went into my room, unpacked everything, and went straight for church. Worship was great! Sermon wasn't really though.. pastor talking about Wycliffe Bible Translation Malaysia and how it helps those who don't understand English and aren't able to be exposed to God's words... Sermon was boring cuz I heard a sermon about Wycliffe before in the States.

Doinkers! Just realized I lost a rubber piece of the earplug to the cd player. Don't know how I lost it though, probably dropped it or something... frus! Not even my ear phones.... Went to Midvalley to look for it today but couldnt find and that guy asked me to go KLCC.. which I'm going to tomorow and I hope that guy wasn't just being an ass and gave me wrong info. Clumsy me.... arhh!!!!

Hung out with friend of mine, Rowan, today.. brought him the Oreos and San Francisco's famous chocolate and some porn magazines :P nah just FHMs. Wasn't for him but he couldn't resist opening them... horny betul... see bikini-clad-sluttish-looking women then started drooling (Haha I'm gonna be so dead for writing this but what the hell :) ). Ahh talked for a looong time and it's great to 're-connect' with a great friend after 6 months.... Eh Midvalley has changed so much.... so many new shops! Still full of ah-bengs too. Beh tah han... Oooh met another best friend of mine Nigel, on the way walking to MV. *Eh thx for the ride offer Nigel :) So handsome already arrr :P*

Going bowling tmr!! so long haven't been bowling... Think im a lil rusty.... *not that I'm good anyway* ... Plans 4 tmr: Bowling at MV, take Putra to KLCC and hopefully will be able to find spare parts for the ear phones.. then going back to MV to meet Rowan again... I think... don't know if he has time or not anyway...

*sigh* Have you wished someone in your life was the person he/she was when you knew him/her ? Whether it be a friend, gf/bf, or whoever.. I don't know why I'm feeling this but there's someone out there whom I really miss the old self of that person =\ I'm being paranoid? Feels like we weren't as close as before......

Better hit the sack soon before I start thinking too much.

Goodnight everyone.

The waves slowly carries me to the island in my dreams, where nightly I find sanity, tucked in comfortably, under my blanket beneath the stars, away from the insanity that plagues the day. -My tired brain

-=Winamp : No winamp =( MP3 cd Player'salmost out of batt too........

OMG I just had the most WONDERUFL FLIGHT OF MY LIFE!!! Now I'm like just a LITTLE DELAYED, to be exact, almost a day???!?!?!?! Bloggin from the airport in Seoul (yah i'm still in Seoul when I'm already fucking supposed to be at home.... now I gotta wait in singapore for 6 hours before my 1 hour connecting flight to KL begins... ... ... ... ... I think its some vast conspiracy by SIA so that you stay in their airport for a longer time, and they get to prove their "delayed service" skills to the passengers. wtf! There goes my saturday night.

*mumbles*

Arrivin in KL sunday morning 6.30am. Don't even know if I have time or the energy to go even go to church...which I hope i can make it to. Miss my church so much

Gotta go... there's a sign here in Korean which says "Please use briefly for the person behind you" ( See I know Korean )

*turns around and sees some impatient and angry faces*

*logs off*

-=Winamp : none. Only thing that I can hear are the screams of my brain cells dying

Ya its 4am and I'm like a damn zombie wide awake. It's not like I have a choice. Final starts at 6.30AM!!!! talk about early. Don't know if there's a bus going that early. If not ill just have to leave at 5.30am and take a 45 minute walk to school. LoL not! 2 freaking hours and I'm only halfway done but my brain's already overworked. sheesh.

Look even ->Primates<- are smarter than me....

-=Winamp : Roxette - Listen To Your Heart

2 days without sleep and I'm still alive n kickin'. Must be something wrong with me.. Just got back from college with a migraine... heat here's getting worst.. I can't imagine what it will be like back in Malaysia.... eeeek! Had my midterm today.. made like 2 mistakes out of 15... i think (and hope not more than that). Gonna get a B for my class already, can't possibly get an A anymore. =\ my math sux0rs . Oh well, feel like sleeping but can't sleep cuz having finals tomorow!! Actually I wont be able to get any sleep for another 2 more days!! After coming back from finals need to pack my luggage already and go last minute shopping for some stuff to bring back to KL.. eiyer.. I so miss *dreaming*. Guess I'll have to wait till when I get on the plane to have my first sleep in... 3 days. <- reminds me of the 3 days I spent awake doing the stup!d PMR Kemahiran Hidup project

Lalala... Just had oreos with milk! Nice. *want one?* I heard US made oreos are nicer.. but... tastes the same.. except that it comes in a different package.. thats all! Bringing back 3 packs of oreos for my friend but don't know if its enough though. Heh maybe tomorow I'll ask my uncle to send me to the store to get more.

Yaya!!! Cable company coming today to fix cable internet. 1.5mbps download speed (that's about 150-170KBps) w00t! Well for you all non-techy-stone-age-people :P it takes about 30 secs to download a song :). Quite cheap also cuz they have promotion -19.95 a month for first 6 months- No contract also. Speaking of contracts I'll have to get my roommate to cancel the current DSL contract with SBC YAhoo! and that'll cost like 200 bucks. talk about madness =| but what the hell.. Yahoo's connection speed here's like 384kbps only for 35$ per month.

I like this song!!

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The Ataris - The Saddest Song

Only two more days, until your birthday
Yesterday was mine
You'll be turning five
I know what it's like, growing up without your father in your life
So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And I hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

I hope I get the chance
To make it up to you
We got a lot of catching up to do

So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

Forgive me!
I'm so sorry!
I will make it up to you....
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Hmm I wonder how it's like to be without a father in the first few years of life and then finding out that you have a father but he left you cuz of whatever reason. This song's sorta like Billy Gilman's 'Oklahoma'. Would I be glad that I found my father? Angry cuz he wasn't there? Sad? Open to forgive? =\ I'll never know.... To those of you who don't as well, we r lucky and we shouldn't take our parents for granted :) *hugz to mom n dad*

Heiyer things here are so expensive.. or maybe I just went to the wrong place to get my haircut. 30 bucks for my hair. At least it looks nice... I wouldn't pay 30 bucks for a lousy hair job.

So lazy to put up my poems on the site now.. Haven't written any stories yet but blah they'll all be mushy love stories! :P I'll do them as soon as I finish my final tomorow.. If i have time that is. I wonder if I should extend this box to a larger one.. I figure a week of entries might make the scrolling-down too long. And is my font really that small? I'm on 1280 * 1024 resolution and it looks fine to me =\ the tinier the better! Maybe I should put a watermark picture behind this box where all the stuff goes... maybe...

Any-w-a-y, back to studying! final tomorow! *reminds myself again* FINAL EXAM TOMOROW!!! yayayaya! stop nagging! Go study larr!! *stuffs alter ego back in self*

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ---Henry David Thoreau