Playing: Sarah Mclachlan - Full of Grace

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...

and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go

a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

I have to say, Sarah Mclachlan's songs have the BEST lyrics ever. I totally love them. Her songs are nice too, most of them mellow, soft, some are a bit dark, full of emotions and meaning. The one above comes from her song "Do what you have to do". Songs like Angel, Adia, Full of Grace, Touch, Sweet Surrender, I love you, Building a Mystery, and a few more are great songs. Her first two albums weren't my taste though, but the lyrics are wonderful, well, haven't I said it before? :P

Having a slight headache now. Just came back from playing basketball with my dorm mates and another guy from the room opposite ours. It's like the 2nd or 3rd time playing since .... 6 years? Dont even know for how long. As expected was pretty lousy and rusty, not that I'm good but I used to be better. I emphasize 'USED TO'. Anywayz, Alex (the guy from the opposite room) broke his cellphone. Never noticed till after the game, it's one of those flip phones with screen in the cover, and the top and bottom part sorta came off, probably a basketball hit on it. Well he left it on the ground, though it was well off the court.

As many of you probably noticed me not answering messages on icq or msn, its not I dont like you guys, but been pretty busy lately with assignments, 2 programming projects and midterms coming up next week. I havent even started studying for my midterms. The projects take up waaaayyyy too much of my time. Sigh. At least I'm 95% done with my projects now, so I should probably be able to study in a day or two. I guess that means I won't be answering many of the messages i get too till next week or so, unless I'm like taking a break on the computer or something.

Life at Berkeley's great, but lots of stress and work. Alot more than you expect. Well if you can cope with it then it's good :) As for me, well, I'm a slow person so yea I'm still kinda struggling. I said life's great at Berkeley, but not every day. Weather hasn't been really kind the past two days though, waking up in the morning and outside's all dark and gloomy, with huuuuge dark clouds hovering over. I got pretty worried this morning cuz it was reaaaly dark at 9am, and I had to go to class. Well, the problem is I have no umbrella or raincoat so was really worried it would rain while I was walking to class. And trust me, when you're trying to wake up for class, outside being all dark and dull and gloomy and sleep-inducing doesnt help.

Come to think of it, time passes really quick here. I dont know why, maybe it's some weird time accelerating thing the scientists at the Lawrence Berkeley Lab are working
on. Seriously though, it's already more than a month of class and it seems like 3 weeks. Friday comes before you know it. One explanation other than that time accelerating theory (which I hope no one actually believes) , is the huge workload that things get so busy and when you're busy time flies. Goodness I remember back in my college I was like saying WTF FRIDAY IS STILL 3 DAYS AWAY?

Well, I'm hungry, and the DC (dining center) is probably closed. Well it's 7pm and it closes at 7.30 but I just dont feel like eating leftovers. Guess I'll go to that chinese fast food down at Telegraph, and get some stuff to eat. Fast food here = zhap fan in msia, but a loooot nicer (and a lot more expensive too).

Hmmm, waiting for my darlin to reply me. She's probably away from her computer.

Still pondering whether to get a new video card or not. New vid card = better graphics, faster game play. But then again, I'll start playing games a lot.

Oh one last thing, Bill GAte's coming over to Berkeley some time this week. College of Engineering students and CS majors get free tickets. Arghhhh I'm an intended CS major only, not declared yet. Hope those tix arent expensive.

Ok, stomach's growling, head's paining.

Tata. *muaxx* to my ever so sweet girl. :P

Bwahaha...check this out! :P Hehe...courtesy of Josiah Koit, whom by the way is much more evil than me :P Hehe...

I am 9% evil.

You are an Angel. You rarely sin which makes your life pretty boring. But if there is a God He will likely reward you in the afterlife.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

• Heng Woon's busy, that's why his last blog was dated Sept the 1st. And I suppose he didn't even bother to read the latest updates of his 'shared' blog :P
• I don't think anyone would actually read these posts of mine since the main person didn't even blog and besides, it wasn't my blog in the first place.
• Sometimes, I wish Jasmine would read this page and know what is going through my mind; for things that I have no idea how to relate it to her in words or actions as we don't see each other that much anymore. And not forgetting how grateful I would be if she ever leaves a comment after my posts so I would know what is going through her mind too. I somehow think it all started ever since I got together with Woon. Not anyone's fault but mine.
• I feel as if I'm starting to lose all my friends; or maybe I already have. Ever since Paul and Miau shifted out, my place has been so quite, and I'm often alone. Ian has his own gang now, and even Mr Law don't come down here to chat anymore, like how he used to do. Paul and Miau have their own gang in school too. Everything is so different now. I don't even know what else to say.
• I had a weird dream of Jasmine being a different person and treated me differently too. The thing is, it didn't feel weird at all in the dream. She dressed differently, talked differently, hangs out with different people, and didn't even bother about my existence. When I woke up, I first felt it was a funny dream as that has never happened before. But when I gave it a second thought, I realised that was actually what was in my mind a long time ago; when she started college, hangs out with a bunch of girls who calls themselves 'The Doons', started to club, drink liquor...maybe all these are part of what the norms would do at this age. But somehow, I feel as if we're like 2 different people already - well, sorta. I kinda felt like a stranger the last time I hung out with her and some other ex-schoolmates which I've never seen for ages - laughing and talking about stuffs which I don't understand.
• All I want is some moments when I don't have to be alone. All I want is some attention. All I want is some companyl. Is that too much to ask?
• It's the mid-term break. Every faculty gets a week break. I should've went home earlier. My roomate left right after her class, and Emily left after dinner. All of my neighbours went back to their hometowns too. So who else is left here? Me, myself and I. And that was also because I wasn't feeling well since yesterday; if someone would've noticed.
• It's 11pm here, so it should be 8am over in the US. It's Friday morning, if I remember correctly, Woon should've class until 2pm the latest. He has yet to reply my MSN message which I have sent a few hours ago and he's now offline. He's probably got disconnected or something. It's just so difficult to talk to him nowadays, since he has gotten so busy compared to the time he was in Cupertino. Everytime I get a chance to be online, it would either be his early morning or his late night, when he would either be sleeping, or busy studying.
• Yea, mid-term break; a break for classes but not assignments. Technically, I have about 4 major projects to be done, and some of the projects have like 2 seperate tasks. So overall, there are about 7 tasks to be done in one week, cos they are all due after the break. So far, I've just finished a project of the most important subject in ID, which was a group project by the way, and it's always meant to be the toughest one. All of us 'suffered' throughout the whole process cos it wasn't only this project that was killing us, but also assignments of other subjects. Somehow, they were all due around the same time. Everyone had sleepless nights [which is not surprising]. In addition, I hadn't really eaten for the past week, cos I have to cook myself. My pants are getting so loose now and the last time I weighed myself right after dinner, I was only 52kgs, when based on my height, I'm supposed to be much heavier than that. I guess that's how I got weak and wasn't feeling alright earlier. Thankfully, I could still stand until the end of the last presentation of the week.
• I am easily distracted, easily confused, selfish, sensitive in unnecessary things, and I think whatever that has happened, happened because of me. If I were to blame others, it might just be unfair. However, this 2nd sem of mine, will act as a reminder to me as the consequence of what I have done in the past before. Having most of the pieces of your world to fall apart shortly one after another, is certainly not a very pleasant thing to have in your life; especially when you thought you already have them and you won't loose them. I guess thing cannot always be taken for granted.

Had supper earlier with my 23 year old neighbour cum school mate. One of the things we talked about was his experience studying and living in Australia before coming back to finish up his degree. According to him, it is advisable to actually further your studies abroad for a good exposure, and probably a 'perception changer'. He said he has learned how to see things in a different manner, and somehow his experience have made him to become a more confident person. By the time you're back here, you'll start comparing things and complain lots.

At that point, I recalled the times Heng Woon complained and compared things here and in the US. I never liked it when he did that everytime. To me, it was as if an act of a racist. Somehow, I just never got his point. Why does he have to compare things that are of its own quality and all? I mean of course the Americans have the technology that are way better than what we have. We are still catching up, aren't we? Not like we're not doing anything at all; maybe just a little slow. But sometimes, I still think it would be appropriate to appreciate what our country or rather what we have, and stop comparing ourselves so much to a society which is far more advanced. Although I admit I dislike the system [whatever 'system' the government is providing] and some other stuff (which I can't recall at this moment) here,I still think apart from that, there are things that are worth appreciating.

I never really did understood why he has to open his mouth to criticise everytime I praise a local product. Or at other times, his criticism somehow made me feel shallow...until what I have been told today. Not that I'm not proud of my own country anymore but I'm just thinking that reason may be true. Perhaps, if one day I should live abroad, my perception will change too. But well, that's just perhaps...perhaps I get to finish my last semester in Curtin, Australia, or maybe my degree. Perhaps, just perhaps.

Perhaps, I might even get a computer by the end of this weekend and start onlining like how I used to again. Assignments and researches will be so much easier from then on. Sigh, look..it's 4am in the morning and I'm waiting for Heng Woon to come back online just because it's hard for me to get online and I'm using my neighbour's computer now. [he's gone clubbing...dat's y ;) ]

Ah, finally, Woon is back. And so are the whole bunch of guys who went clubbing. One of them seems drunk...shHhhh..... :P

Arghhh, I just noticed I need to change the left menu bar. Kinda outdated :P I kinda wanted to put up the Gallery last Saturday, but never had the time/mood to get to it. Hopefully this weekend.

Planet Shakers - Burn

Well it's been more than a month since I've blogged. It's partly cuz I've been busy lately, and when I'm not busy I wasn't in the mood to blog, or I was too tired. Excuses you might say, but yea, I don't blog unless I REALLY feel like it.

For those of you who are still 'ketinggalan', I'm back in Cauliflowernia (as the Governator pronounces it), and moved in to my dorm in UC Berkeley. One thing I can say is, that I LOOOOOVE my dorm, and I LOOOOOOOOOOVEEEE the UCB campus even more! Of course, I love my darling Julia the most and I miss her everyday =( Kinda hard to have spent one and a half months together with someone you love and then having to part again for another few months.

Well my dorm's called Bowles Hall. It's an all-male dorm, up on a hill, and definitely a sight for Harry Potter enthusiasts. Also known as the 'castle', from the outside it looks like, well, a castle. Or as some people say, Hogwarts. Bowles is also the first residence hall to be built in UCB, around the 1880s I think. Next to Bowles is a hockey field, and the football stadium. The hockey field's visible from my room window (free views of games) but the stadium walls' pretty high and, unfortunately, no free 'tix' to football games :P Another reason I love my dorm is the view. Yea, situated on a hill, and you can see downtown San Francisco in the distance. The Bay bridge is visible too (provided there's no fog) though the Golden Gate Bridge's blocked off. My dorm, seriously, rocks :P

Classes began Monday, and so far, it's pretty okay I can say. Well, it's only the first week. Though from my Geo class and my CS classes I can tell that the next few weeks, and months, will be hell. Welcome to UC Berkeley =\ I'm taking Econ 1(Intro to Economics), CS61A (Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs), CS61C (Machine Structures), GEO 10 (World Regional Geography). What sucks is that I'm still on the waiting list for my Geography class. I really do hope I get into the class because I already bought 2 readers for that class, that cost total 90 bucks. I still have yet to get the Geography textbook, which will cost another 100 bucks. If you're thinking books are expensive here, well, maybe expensive's an understatement. I've spent about 350$ on books(excluding Geo and Econs textbook, both which I havent bought yet). If I do get into Geo 10, I'll very very likely drop my Econs class, since I don't really need to take that class.

As far as my social life goes, I've made quite a lot of friends. My dorm unit-mates have been pretty good. Currently I'm in the Christians on Campus group, and also the ABSK (Asian Baptist Student Koinonia). Then this Saturday there'll be a SMSA (Singaporean Malaysian Student Association) welcome dinner/social event which I'll probably attend. There's also a UCB Rotaract, which I wanna join, but have yet to gathered info on. Well, hopefully as the semester progresses I'll have time for all these extra-curricular activities. Speaking of which, tomorow the Christians on Campus's having a welcome night dinner/social at 7pm, and the ABSK's having one tomorow too at 7.30pm. Grrrrrrrr why have both of them be on the same day??? I'll probably go for the ABSK one though, but I might decide otherwise 5 minutes before 7pm :P

As for other things, well, there's not much off the top of my head that I wanna blog about, other than I miss my angel. =( And everytime I'm online she's not, and when I'm sleeping or in classes, she'll message me and I wont be able to reply and when I get back online I feel bad cuz I didn't reply and wasn't there when she wanted to talk =\ Time zone differences suck. *Sigh* It's not like there's anything much I can do about it, and well she doesn't have her own PC yet so it's kinda hard for her to get online too. So many times and moments during the past 1.5 months when I was back, both good and bad, that I reflect and remember everyday, and I realize how I miss having her physically close by my side, going through ups and downs together. I love you baby. =x

Arghhhhhh I can feel my sanity drifting apart. And I'd better go read up on tomorow's CS61C Lab.

Until I get the mood to blog again, I bid adieu.