Feeling so hopeless.. Can't seem to find the right words to say to people nowadays, used to be able to offer advice to friends who are having problems and now it's like... *emptY inside*

I wish I could do something.. I feel really hurt and down too when I see my friends feeling down, depressed, or having problems... Kinda sucks to be an over-emotional person... The fact that I can't seem to help out... *sigh* I wish I was the only one suffering in this world... I'd rather have that than see people, friends suffering.

why....

Why..........?

I hate days like these where it's just bloody boring... Sunday night, tmr's a public holiday and there's hardly anyone online? heh.. I'm the only one not having a life eh?

I hate it when there's boredom lingering all around me.. I get really moody.. I get really frustrated... ahhhhhhhhhh someeeonneee HELLLPP meeeee!! sick and tired of everything... fun does not exist anymore in my world

Fuck life.

-=Playing in my head: Matchbox Twenty - Unwell

*sigh* Just came back from SJMC.. went to visit my grandpa in the ICU who underwent surgery yesterday to insert a battery coz his heartbeat is below normal.. kinda cool that the device can detect a drop in heart rate and helps the heart beat at a normal rate. Don't know why but everytime I visit a person in the hospital I have this weird feelings of sadness and pity to see people lying in beds attached to the monitoring machines, and also the thought that I would be lying there someday too. Grandpa's okay, he'll be released from the hospital tomorow.

Is it that worth it to pay few tens of thousands to prolong one's life... even when that person's already like 80+ years old...? Death is emminent, to all of us, and thats just delaying the inevitable. If I were to make a choice I would just let nature take it's course and if it's my time to die so let it be... Anyway damn scary just now when leaving the hospital.. one lady was being wheeled from a car to the emergency room I assume and she was screaming and all that.. macam orang giler... dont know if it's pain or what but... yerrr... so damn loud screaming and screeching....

Today = hibernation day. Slept pretty late last night (about 2am) and I got up at 12noon today.. Went downstairs, ordered dominos pizza, ate, and went back to sleep.. then woke up later in the evening for dinner and went visit my grandpa at SJMC. Going to sleep soon too... for some reason I feel quite... tired.. probably just boredom

I realize everytime I write something on the computer whether it be on icq or blog or email.. I keep putting so many dots................. bad habit...

Yay tmr going KLCC watch movie.... Pirates of the Carribean.. finally going somewhere else except MV... i go MV like an average of 5 times a week... anyway.. I heard when I was in US from my friends there that it is a damn cool movie... hopefully it is. Oh and for anyone who wants to watch the Medallion, don't even go buy the VCD.. it sucks I heard... can contend with The Hulk for the most terrible movie ever produced this year. HULK was TERRIBBBLEEE!!! yerrrr.... disappointment..

Yerrr... was listening to Britney Spears' From the Bottom Of My Broken Heart.. used to listen to it a lot last time..ahhh brought back some memories I didn't want to remember.... well Britney Spears now sux.. her new songs are all so sluttish... and yucks... I still like her old songs though... like... Sometimes, I Was Born To Make You Happy, well most songs from her first album.... ahh Christina Aguilera another one... now also her songs and her videos getting a bit like Britney's ... but at least Christina's got the voice and her songs now are still better than Britney's..

And wtf is wrong with ICQ.. or is it my puter? Keeps getting disconnected...... fraaaassss!!!

Hmmm I shouldn't have quit piano classes when I was 6 yrs old.. come to think of it, its kinda fun being able to play well on the piano, be able to read scores and not screw up like I do.. I can only play easy songs.... I get a stuupid headache when I see too many notes.... bah what a noob

>(*v*)<

sh!t... LoL I'm updating my blog like.. once in a week :P I realize nowadays I'm losing stamina? Come home everynight from wherever I was (usually friend's house) , damn tired, just bathe, go online spend half an hour on Earth 2025, then go sleep.... used to be able to stay up till 5am... I DID stay up till at least 4am everyday when I came back last December.. now its like.. sleepin at 11.00pm.. sometimes even earlier

I'm soooo sleeeepy now... 1.52am.... Was gonna update my blog earlier but then had to talk to a friend cuz she was having some problems.... *sigh* people are having so many relationship problems ... --- I have come to a conclusion that love sucks --- (Can't believe I.... of all people... am saying that) I mean seriously... having feelings for someone... or liking someone and thinking that he/she likes you too.... or just going after someone not knowing if that guy/girl likes you or not, and in the end after learning that he/she doesnt like you as much as you do, you complaaain, regrreeett, think that person is a bitch or a jerk, blah blah whateverrrrrr.... (I'm not referring to anyone.. just saying in general)

Men are so stubborn really... It's funny that when a girl is being nice to a guy the guy will usually think that girl likes him.. is there a word for it? perasan? oh yea... thats it! The thing is guys don't know that girls prioritize friendships than relationships when compared to guys... guys ar.. susah... guys would sacrifice a friendship just to try and get into a relationship with a girl... like for example... Get what I mean ? As in, guys don't realize that they'll probably lose a friend when they try to go for a girl and it doesn't work out well.. so they just jump right in trying to get into a relationship with the girl... stubborn!!!! Girls however they'd rather preserve a friendship than jump into a relationship and then losing a friendship later when the relationship doesnt work out.

So tired to think already...

Oooohhh had jap buffet on saturday.. everything was yummy... except that we were all thinking of hepatitis B while eating the sashimi.. thanks to.. err... I wonder WHO??????? it was all good lar :P only 4 people went so we didn't eat much salmon sashimi.. total of 200 only.. even the waitresses were surprised cuz they know we usually order like 300 or more salmon sashimis.... hell we even ate 150 salmon sashimis under 5 minutes last year when 5 of us were eating there! Took the opportunity to pass Nigel his belated b'day present :)

I'm gonna go eat Jap buffet again probably in another 2-3 weeks time , definitely before I leave... Its gooood food I tell ya..

Church today was pretty okay.. witnessed 2 of my friends and my cousin get confirmed as members of the church. Had lunch at church after that cuz they organized some catering lunch thing for those that got confirmed and their sponsors and family.. So just went makan lar.. food wasn't that nice, didn't eat much too!

Is it a good thing to have a crush on someone? or be attracted to someone? I kinda like the feeling that you get when you meet or see or talk with the person that you like... feels nice, warm, fuzzy... But its not totally nice though... cuz knowing that you can't possibly get together with that person, not knowing if he/she is the right one for you... the fact that you study overseas and come back once or twice a year doesn't really help too... *sigh* Sweet, cute, a smile that just melts the heart, mature, easy to get along with and good humoured, just a littttle shy, but just reaaaaalllyyy swwweeeeeeettttttttttttt!!!!!! *sigh*

Anyyywaay don't have any plans for tomorow(monday) ... probably go bowling at MV and finishing Time Crisis 2 5 times again.... so ke lian... come back to malaysia when all my friends ARENT having their holidays... not exactly entertaining :)

----
Dream, dream dream dream, dream, dream dream dream

When I want you in my arms, when I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is

Dream, dream dream dream

When I feel blue in the night, and I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, any time, night or day
Only trouble is, gee wiz, I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die, I love you so, and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is

Dream, dream dream dream, dream

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, any time, night or day
Only trouble is, gee wiz, I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die, I love you so, and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do, is
----

^^ Song that's playing in my head.. used to love to sing it in karaoke when I was young... dreeeeeaaaaaaaam, dream dream dreaamm, dreaaaaaaaaaammm.. For some reason I have it playing in my head ....

-=Winamp : Michael Learns To Rock - Sleeping Child

Bah my winamp playlist kinda sux... all the old songs that I used to listen to in high school when I had this comp.. Better than no music at all though.. I can't use the comp with no music playing cuz I'll either fall asleep or go do something else.. which will most liekly end up in me sleeping anyway.

Day today wasn't that productive.. Didn't plan to go anywhere actually.. supposed to stay home, rest, not go out spending too much money(which I already did last week) and yea so I stayed at home. Woke up at about 10am.. I don't know why but I've been pretty tired lately and sleeping a lot. I actually TRIED to play the piano today, and I can't believe I spent like almost all of my free time today trying to play the piano.. as I said.. T-R-Y-ing ... then my youngest brother who's Std 3 became damn irritating.. I was playing Auld Lang Syne (which is an easy peice), and he comes to me and starts playing some difficult piece and he did it like REALLY FAST... show-off.. purposely did that to irritate me... grrrrr... I admit I'm an uber-noob when it comes to musical instruments.

OOhh just had steam boat just now for dinner.... didn't eat much considering that I skipped lunch and breakfast. I'm not on a diet, why would I when I'm in Malaysia with so much good food.. just that I didn't have any appetite to eat.. so not in the mood to eat... PMS?? Actually I DO have mood swings.. its kinda irritating at times, for my parents at least. At first I tell them wanna go somewhere, then later on I get my mood swing and when they're ready to send me there I say I dont wanna go.. same thing with studies.. I can't study unless I'm in a REALLY good mood..

Oiiii!! Rotiboy's like the bread-of-the-house now.. Today for the 4th day in a row my parents bought Rotiboy home..Never a day without fail I find at least 5 Rotiboys on the dining table everyday.. what the hell did they put in the bread???? some addictive stuff surely.. my mom n dad loves it.. my youngest brother loves it... I, being a pastry-freak, needless to say more. It's the bread to die for... thats their catch phrase or something like that.

I can't believe some people are SO ignorant about their health... hey blame me for being overly-concerned for a really close friend?! So many people having health problems lately.. my 80+ years old grandpa's gonna go for a surgery some time soon for a much needed battery for his heart cuz his heartbeat is low and faint.. It just came to my mind then how life is so fragile and yea grandpa's dying and everytime I think of it I get really sad coz I don't wanna lose him =( Yung Han also had Hepatitis B, it was really bad a year ago... I heard now he's doing a lot better already.. Thank God for that.. :) Then just heard from Nigel Ben got into a car accident today... got away with minor bruises... really made me think how delicate and fragile life is...

Yay Yung Han's coming over tmr! Hopefully he's able to come.. I haven't seen him for long and its great to be able to meet up with a good ol' friend again! Don't know where we'll be going after that though..

Was reading Nadia's blog earlier on and it got me thinking about that 'God will deliver the right one to you' and 'Whether the one you think is the right one, is really the right one?' issue.... how do you actually know whether the person that you fall in love with is the one that God has sent to you? By saying 'you'll just know when the time comes' doesn't answer the question, but is, ironically, the only thinkable answer? Well I guess one has to trust in God. Getting into a relationship isn't easy, knowing whether the person who's in the relationship with you is the right one or not is even more difficult..=\ Though I believe that it's possible for someone to find his/her soul partner in the first relationship when picking 'carefully', a part of me believes that finding the 'right' one is still a matter of trial and error, that is, that one finds the right one by coupling with one... then if it doesnt work out , find another, and so on, until you find the right one that you marry and spend the rest of your life with. Get it? Most people think that those few who wants the first person he/she falls in love and shares a romantic relationship with to be the 'right' one as people having unrealistic, stupid ideals. I guess I'm one of those 'unrealisitc people' then... When people ask me I tell them that getting into a relationship which you think does not have a secure future, is a waste of time, and why bother getting into the relationship in the first place if it has a high probability of not lasting? Is it that worth it to survive the consequences of a broken relationship? The statistics speak for themselves.. How many husband/wives you know had known each other and retained a relationship with each other since high school? No career at this age, whole commitment is hard to come by in BOTH guy n girl, basically no one is fully settled down yet..

*SigH* Yet again, I'm thinking maybe it's worth it to get into a relationship at this age... even though the future's insecure. Cuz everyday I see couples doing things couples do .. makes me feel that I'm missing a lot.. It would be so nice to wake up every morning to have that special someone on your mind, to plan your weekend date with that someone thinking of new ideas to make it even more special and romantic, having someone to think of everytime, someone to talk to on the phone, someone to think of when listening to a soft romantic songso nice to be able to go to a park after a movie to have a glass of wine and stare into the starlit skies and for once totally ignoring everything else in the entire world except you, your partner, and the stars... *gasp* I think I'm fantasizing too much... well basically.. I miss the feeling of being in love, and being loved (not that I've been loved before but..)... Yea if u ask me I think about it everyday... I think I'm just being a wuss and afraid to get into a relationship... maybe I am... Everything's so conflicting.. I hate it sometimes that I have to stop myself when I find that I'm falling for someone (that kinda happened very recently), I don't know when I will let loose all my principles and just let my emotions and heart guide me... or whether I'll regret doing that or not.

Ahhh!! Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not the One HAD to play on my playlist.. how PERFECT! So irritating how certain songs can pop up at certain times when you're thinking about certain things...

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I like the lyrics.. especially the chorus... though I'm not really a fan of Daniel's.. don't like his other songs... by the way did Evanescence had a song titled "Where Will You Go" that's not in their album?

..... ICQ just disconnected... it's been like disconnecting and reconnecting for the past 2 hours and its getting really frustrating especially when you're halfway chatting with someone..... bodoh betul ni ICQ....

On a funnier note I just came across some really funny shit... this guy on the internet cybersex-harrassing some girls.. here are some excerpts:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

----------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

-------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
__________


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!



Okay maybe that was a bit long.. but its damn funny.. and its not even all of it :P

*Sighhhhhh* Long day :) Gotta go get some nice sleep... Gnitez and God Bless everyone!!

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly - Langston Hughes

-=Winamp : Evanescence - My Immortal

AhHhHhH... it's been looooongg! I haven't been online at all the past few days.. been pretty tired after coming home from wherever I went in the mornings during the past few days. Didn't really want to come online tonight too partly cuz of laziness and I'm reaaaly sleepy.. but had to clean up my mailbox and catch up on Earth 2025(an online text and web based multiplayer game).. Don't wanna be kicked out of my clan for inactivity.....

Past few days been pretty busy... went out KLCC with Nigel, Mark and Shazli.. twas' Nigel's birthday but then went there just to meet up wasn't really a celebration thingy.. anyway cuz Siang Mun was working at Dome at KLCC so Nigel wanted to go there kacau her lar.. it was damn stupid seriously... we were like.. betting on whether this girl sitting on the opposite table was a girl from our sec school.... (well she didnt look like her but our good friend Nigel thought so :P) so we looked at her table at her lar... then Mark was talking some shit and we were laughing... then this friend of that girl started coming to our table and asked in a damn bitchy way "Is there a problem cuz you guys are staring and laughing at us.. " WTF?????? Fucking perasan! We were obviously looking at them cuz we were trying to take a closer look whether it was 'her' but then they werent a funny sight.... doinkness betul... Funny thing was when Nigel WAVED to that girl when she looked at him... we could see from her lips she was saying 'who the fuck is that' and all of us burst out laughing... see lar Nigel... told you its not her.!! Funny shit... anyways was supposed to go Atmos clubbing (whereever that is) at about midnight but then couldn't go cuz had church the next day =\ Still need to pass bday pressie to Nigel... probz on this coming Saturday...

I saw an angel at church today.. a really sweet angel!! Never realized she was that sweet looking... *sighhhh* hehe :) It felt kinda weird that I was thinking about it the whole day.. *shrugs* Well other that that church was great today... pastor was talkin about why sometimes bad things happen to good people.. Sometimes I wonder that life sucks.. why must it be that good people get bad luck, or bad things happen to them, ie health problems like cancer, relationship problems, death, losing of a job, etc? It's so damn unfair... the worst people get all the good luck... I don't wanna go any further on that...

w00t!! Just had dinner at Overseas restaurant at Jln Imbi.. its the best Chinese restaurant around... had sun hok (my fav fish), buttered prawns, yun choy, shark's fin soup, yam cake with spicy chicken pieces n cashew nuts, tau foo, and pancakes with peanut soup for dessert.. the fish was awweesomme !! though it cost like 200 bucks.. wasn't even half the fish...

Vouchers for jap buffet at Kampachi's already here..!! yayaya!! Gonna go jap buffet this coming Sat... though i'm kinda stuffed now but salmon sashimi, prawn tempuras, beef teppanyaki, udon noodles, miso soup, and all is making me hungry.... Gonna try break the record my friends and I held the last time we went there for the most salmon sashimi eaten in under 5 minutes - 150 pieces.. that was only about 5 people eating 150 salmon sashimis under 5 minutes... this time we're targetting 200 pieces :) *hopefully we don't die halfway doing that*

Hmmm been having some really queer, interesting dreams lately... Most of them I can't remember though except for a dream or two.. It's funny how people tend to forget dreams, even the ones that they just dreamt a few minutes ago.. Do dreams come to us as a temporary memory that disappears gradually after we wake up till we have, if nothing, only just small tiny fragments of the dreams? If only we could record down every single bit of our dreams and review them when we wake... and re-dream the ones we like... *sigh* so wasted that dreams, even the nicest ones can just be forgotten so easily..

It's late. Sweet dreams everyone.

Dreams slip by us, disappear, forgotten, lost in the unconscious - all we remember is that we dreamt, and it was a nice dream.

Hmm okay it seems that the W32.Blast worm is worse than I thought.. I didn't know that it is the same worm that shuts down Windows XP/2000 when you go online... It pops up a dialog window saying "Windows will shut down in 1 minute" or something like that. Friend had a problem like it before but he's lucky that dialog box crashes at 59 secs :P

So anyone who has that same problem, or to anyone owning windows XP who HAS NOT had that problem, go download the patch at the windows update website

or go here I have a link to a fix for that worm

Click for fix

Thanks to Belthesar of Mercenaries Incorporated (FFA server Earth 2025) for the fix to this problem.

Any of u want another fix contact me. Or just do a Google search on MSBlast fix and you should find some easily

Its good to have a Windows ME system (pats computer)

-=Winamp : Utada Hikaru - Sakura Drops

Greeeeaaaattt... just woke up like.... a few hours ago? 10pm to be exact. Slept for more than 12 hours.. pigg!! Came back home at 7am this morning though, thats probably why I was so tired.. besides I was out the whole afternoon too yesterday.. went Midvalley with friend for lunch at Sushi King.. they were having some unagi promotion thing? or something like that, but there weren't like many dishes with unagis... I loooooveee eating grilled unagis <- eeeeeel | especially with that sweet teriyaki(?) sauce coated on... spent 30RM and it wasn't even filling.. still so damned not value at all.. I'd rather eat jap buffet for 60RM where you can order like 200 pieces of salmon sashimis.

So yesterday I went out the whole night/morning for the first time since.... december of last year? Went out with my friends play WC3 TFT at Damansara Jaya... was kinda tired before we left for there but what the hell... I missed going out and hanging out with friends till 7am in the morning. sStupid... at the mamak for about 1 hour + .. I was almost 'dead'... so freaking tired... used to be able to stay at mamak for few hours in the mornings... wasn't even listening to what everyone was talking about.. they weren't talking much also anyway.. most i heard was about japanese porn stars... me falling asleep during a discussion on japanese porn stars??

This Satuday supposed to go Kampachi at Equatorial Hotel eat jap buffet... but don't know if going also or not... haven't even called a lot of people to ask to go too... anyway most likely not lar... next week also no problem larrrr right? thats if my hunger for raw fish doesn't kill me.. Just heard my mom's getting 60RM vouchers for the jap buffet at Kampachi. but not arrived yet. if it actually arrives before saturday then I'm goinggggggggg on saturdaaayyy!

Stupid... looks like I'm not goin to sleep for the whole night.. anyone bored too give me a hollerrrrrrrr ... can't play any games on this old piece of junk .. pentium 3 800 with 128mb RAM and not even an average graphics card... =\ no one's online to talk to alsooo!! *someone plzzz put me back to sleeeep*

For those peeps having windows XP on their comp... better get fixes for worms/trojans installed. Just found out from a friend that there's a new self-run worm that infects a random IP, and the worm'll start doing nonsense to your comp and do DoS attacks on Windows Update after the 15th of every month. Friend had to format his PC 3 times cuz of it not knowing he could get a fix from Microsoft Windows Update... anyone don't know about Microsoft Windows Update just click on Start->Windows Update and install the critical updates, or go to Internet Explorer, Click Tools in the menu, then click Windows update. Another alternative is to go to Windows Update.

BoA is sooo cuuuteeeee!!!!

-=Winamp : Fin.K.L - Blue Rain

Rottttiiiibooyy!!! Just had a taste of the all-famous bread today. It was okay.. nice but a little too greasy maybe. Heiyer can't believe MV nowadays so packed.. even on the weekdays... this morning at 11am the parking lot was like..... so full.. tried to find parking also cannot. mum got really frustrated.

Yea went looking for the rubber earpiece cushion today at KLCC.. go so far and spent 4 bucks on Putra LRT just to find out that they DON'T have that spare part at Sony Wings... ask me go Tanjung Bandar Utama pulak! sheesh... did the price of the Putra LRT tickets just went up or am I just imagining things??? So bloody ex. Thank god they had free shuttle from the Bangsar station to MV...

Had the worst game of bowling today.. the alley is TILTED DOWN towards the right!!! All my bowls shouldve been strikes :P but somehow they all mysteriously veer into the right side.. strange....:)

Just had someone say I developed an accent... Don't think I did though.. I still sound like the same ol' me.. maybe just the absence of Singlish larrrrrrrrrrrrrr (irony intended). is it a good thing or a bad thing to develop an accent anyway??

Head's spinning.... Taking a rest tomorow @ home.. unless friends wanna go out..... on a weekday....

! Sweet dreams peeps ! *hopes to meet that mysterious girl in my dreams again* :]

"When I consider this carefully, I find not a single property which with certainty separates the waking state from the dream. How can you be certain that your whole life is not a dream?" - Rene Descartes (One of my favourite philosophers.. was just reading a book on him in MPH.. Descartes rox!)

-=Winamp : Leann Rimes - How Do I Live

Songs on this old comp of mine so... old... and unfamiliar.. except certain ones like the one's thats playing now =| . Just had a hell of a day.. literally hell.. so hot and humid. Well arrived at about 7.30am at KLIA and took KLIA Express to Sentral where my dad picked me up. Was about 8.30-9am then. Went into my room, unpacked everything, and went straight for church. Worship was great! Sermon wasn't really though.. pastor talking about Wycliffe Bible Translation Malaysia and how it helps those who don't understand English and aren't able to be exposed to God's words... Sermon was boring cuz I heard a sermon about Wycliffe before in the States.

Doinkers! Just realized I lost a rubber piece of the earplug to the cd player. Don't know how I lost it though, probably dropped it or something... frus! Not even my ear phones.... Went to Midvalley to look for it today but couldnt find and that guy asked me to go KLCC.. which I'm going to tomorow and I hope that guy wasn't just being an ass and gave me wrong info. Clumsy me.... arhh!!!!

Hung out with friend of mine, Rowan, today.. brought him the Oreos and San Francisco's famous chocolate and some porn magazines :P nah just FHMs. Wasn't for him but he couldn't resist opening them... horny betul... see bikini-clad-sluttish-looking women then started drooling (Haha I'm gonna be so dead for writing this but what the hell :) ). Ahh talked for a looong time and it's great to 're-connect' with a great friend after 6 months.... Eh Midvalley has changed so much.... so many new shops! Still full of ah-bengs too. Beh tah han... Oooh met another best friend of mine Nigel, on the way walking to MV. *Eh thx for the ride offer Nigel :) So handsome already arrr :P*

Going bowling tmr!! so long haven't been bowling... Think im a lil rusty.... *not that I'm good anyway* ... Plans 4 tmr: Bowling at MV, take Putra to KLCC and hopefully will be able to find spare parts for the ear phones.. then going back to MV to meet Rowan again... I think... don't know if he has time or not anyway...

*sigh* Have you wished someone in your life was the person he/she was when you knew him/her ? Whether it be a friend, gf/bf, or whoever.. I don't know why I'm feeling this but there's someone out there whom I really miss the old self of that person =\ I'm being paranoid? Feels like we weren't as close as before......

Better hit the sack soon before I start thinking too much.

Goodnight everyone.

The waves slowly carries me to the island in my dreams, where nightly I find sanity, tucked in comfortably, under my blanket beneath the stars, away from the insanity that plagues the day. -My tired brain

-=Winamp : No winamp =( MP3 cd Player'salmost out of batt too........

OMG I just had the most WONDERUFL FLIGHT OF MY LIFE!!! Now I'm like just a LITTLE DELAYED, to be exact, almost a day???!?!?!?! Bloggin from the airport in Seoul (yah i'm still in Seoul when I'm already fucking supposed to be at home.... now I gotta wait in singapore for 6 hours before my 1 hour connecting flight to KL begins... ... ... ... ... I think its some vast conspiracy by SIA so that you stay in their airport for a longer time, and they get to prove their "delayed service" skills to the passengers. wtf! There goes my saturday night.

*mumbles*

Arrivin in KL sunday morning 6.30am. Don't even know if I have time or the energy to go even go to church...which I hope i can make it to. Miss my church so much

Gotta go... there's a sign here in Korean which says "Please use briefly for the person behind you" ( See I know Korean )

*turns around and sees some impatient and angry faces*

*logs off*

-=Winamp : none. Only thing that I can hear are the screams of my brain cells dying

Ya its 4am and I'm like a damn zombie wide awake. It's not like I have a choice. Final starts at 6.30AM!!!! talk about early. Don't know if there's a bus going that early. If not ill just have to leave at 5.30am and take a 45 minute walk to school. LoL not! 2 freaking hours and I'm only halfway done but my brain's already overworked. sheesh.

Look even ->Primates<- are smarter than me....

-=Winamp : Roxette - Listen To Your Heart

2 days without sleep and I'm still alive n kickin'. Must be something wrong with me.. Just got back from college with a migraine... heat here's getting worst.. I can't imagine what it will be like back in Malaysia.... eeeek! Had my midterm today.. made like 2 mistakes out of 15... i think (and hope not more than that). Gonna get a B for my class already, can't possibly get an A anymore. =\ my math sux0rs . Oh well, feel like sleeping but can't sleep cuz having finals tomorow!! Actually I wont be able to get any sleep for another 2 more days!! After coming back from finals need to pack my luggage already and go last minute shopping for some stuff to bring back to KL.. eiyer.. I so miss *dreaming*. Guess I'll have to wait till when I get on the plane to have my first sleep in... 3 days. <- reminds me of the 3 days I spent awake doing the stup!d PMR Kemahiran Hidup project

Lalala... Just had oreos with milk! Nice. *want one?* I heard US made oreos are nicer.. but... tastes the same.. except that it comes in a different package.. thats all! Bringing back 3 packs of oreos for my friend but don't know if its enough though. Heh maybe tomorow I'll ask my uncle to send me to the store to get more.

Yaya!!! Cable company coming today to fix cable internet. 1.5mbps download speed (that's about 150-170KBps) w00t! Well for you all non-techy-stone-age-people :P it takes about 30 secs to download a song :). Quite cheap also cuz they have promotion -19.95 a month for first 6 months- No contract also. Speaking of contracts I'll have to get my roommate to cancel the current DSL contract with SBC YAhoo! and that'll cost like 200 bucks. talk about madness =| but what the hell.. Yahoo's connection speed here's like 384kbps only for 35$ per month.

I like this song!!

------------------------------------------------------
The Ataris - The Saddest Song

Only two more days, until your birthday
Yesterday was mine
You'll be turning five
I know what it's like, growing up without your father in your life
So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And I hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

I hope I get the chance
To make it up to you
We got a lot of catching up to do

So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

Forgive me!
I'm so sorry!
I will make it up to you....
------------------------------------------------------

Hmm I wonder how it's like to be without a father in the first few years of life and then finding out that you have a father but he left you cuz of whatever reason. This song's sorta like Billy Gilman's 'Oklahoma'. Would I be glad that I found my father? Angry cuz he wasn't there? Sad? Open to forgive? =\ I'll never know.... To those of you who don't as well, we r lucky and we shouldn't take our parents for granted :) *hugz to mom n dad*

Heiyer things here are so expensive.. or maybe I just went to the wrong place to get my haircut. 30 bucks for my hair. At least it looks nice... I wouldn't pay 30 bucks for a lousy hair job.

So lazy to put up my poems on the site now.. Haven't written any stories yet but blah they'll all be mushy love stories! :P I'll do them as soon as I finish my final tomorow.. If i have time that is. I wonder if I should extend this box to a larger one.. I figure a week of entries might make the scrolling-down too long. And is my font really that small? I'm on 1280 * 1024 resolution and it looks fine to me =\ the tinier the better! Maybe I should put a watermark picture behind this box where all the stuff goes... maybe...

Any-w-a-y, back to studying! final tomorow! *reminds myself again* FINAL EXAM TOMOROW!!! yayayaya! stop nagging! Go study larr!! *stuffs alter ego back in self*

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ---Henry David Thoreau

-=Winamp : The Ataris - Takeoffs and Landings

Aye! *groan* Wow never had a day with a rojak of feelings... Woke up late today. Hrmph! I can't believe I slept at 9.30pm last night and woke up at 7am, when I set my three alarm clocks all to 4.30am. (yea I'm a pig!) Was late for class.. there goes 1% of my total grade (f.y.i. attendance is 5% of total grade, each missed attendance or late = -1% off). So my day didn't start out well.. went to class, realized there was homework due and I had not done anything. *Panic kicks in* thank god I finished everything in class though... didn't listen to whatever blabbering the instructor was giving the class.. I guess I'll have to catch up on everything tonight since he taught 3 sub-sections of the book today instead of the usual one-subsection every 2 days. Crazy instructor.. thats not all.. Having a mid-term on Wednesday and final's on friday. S-I-A-O!!!!

anyhows... had my driving test today. Finally!! Finished my 6 lessons in one week, after a month of saying 'I'll take my lessons next week'. Just realized you can make a living teaching driving lessons here. 2 hours per session, each session 60 bucks.. yes bucks!! <- the green US dollars! Spent like total of 425 USD on lessons. The test was pretty okay, I did TERRIBLY (so says the examiner after I parked the car at the finish). I was like... *What????* Then she gave this evil and somewhat irritating laugh and said 'No, you were excellent'. Sheeshhh!! talk about stupiak! *Can't believe I didn't catch the sarcasm in the 'terribly' word* Yea I passed. Can drive now!!! After I get a car that is.. hope mummy n daddy will get me one. *prays for a Ferrari.. like the one in Bad Boys II but a bright red one!*

Did I mention I'm a patient person? Yea I am.. but I'm not if I were to wait for one and a half hours to line up at the result submission counter to submit my driving results. Hey there was only 7 people lining up in front of me!!! I was the 8th... and it took freaking 1 1/2 hours!!! WtH man! Took me only 2 minutes to submit the results. arghH! Wait so long only for 2 minutes at a counter.. if it was a cute young lady behind the counter I wouldn't mind... but no.!

I should be happy after passing my driving test. I was... till my driving instructor told me he had to charge for the 1 1/2 hours of waiting for me to submit the results. 45 bucks !!!! See what I mean when you can earn a living teaching driving lessons? Go figure. So total of $425 spent on driving lessons. *converts to RM = RM1500*

On a lighter and happier note, I can't wait till Friday! Flight back to Kuala Lumpur's at 2am on Friday. Gotta get to the airport at about 9pm Thursday cuz have to go for some immigration stuff (interviews blah blah ... remember? 9/11? Add the fact that I'm from a Muslim country). So many new rules.. sucks to be an international student.
=\ AhH! *drools at the thought of eating mamak food... mmm nasi goreng pattaya, maggi goreng, nasi briyani, tandoori, teh-o-ais- limau, roti kaya..... yummm*. Can't wait to meet n hang out with all of my 'irritating' yet wonderful friends too! Thats the main thing I'm looking forward to!! One thing I'm not looking forward to is the... you know what.... WEATHER!!

I'm still looking for a blogger-friendly commenting tool for my blog. *talks to blog* Yaya you should be happy I'm giving you some goodies and upgrades!! I'm such a nice person(?) :P There's BlogKomm, Shoutbox, Squawk Box, eNetation, BlogBack, YACCS, HaloScan.. so many!!! Anyone knows any good commenting tools let me know kay? :)

Its 10.27pm. Was planning on sleeping and waking up tomorow morning to do my math but I think I'd rather do it tonight. Yes yes you don't have to remind me about how I can oversleep with 3 alarm clocks waking me up at a 15 minute interval.

*Adieu*

- Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.---George Calin

Profile: A blog site containing the rantings, blabbering and thoughts of a simple person living life in a complicated world :)

Hmm I wonder what I should post as my first post. Well this is my first attempt at creating a serious website, and its been like... centuries(?) since I last toyed around with HTML, so bear with the not-so-nice-looking layout n flaws :) I think the site's skin's almost done now. Still haven't enabled comment-adding to posts yet, will do soon. Looking around for some fun stuff to add too. Just realized its fun yet frustrating to create web pages.. especially when things don't go right.!!

*Continues playing around with Macromedia Dreamweaver MX*