I hope the words aren't too small or too difficult to read because of the color. If that's the case with anyone please let me know.

Here's the new layout that I've been working on for the past..... 2 days ? It's not really completed yet, but yea its roughly that. It's a simple, brighter, white layout :)
I made this layout as a tribute to my sweetheart Julia who's been an angel to me these past few months that we've been together, and I'm so blessed to have her in my life.

*muax* darling. Thank you for loving me.

-= Listening to: Teresa Teng - Wo Zhi Zai Hu Ni

Sorry for the late update. Kinda got carried away with laziness the past um, 4 days? But hey, its just after my Winter 2004 finals, so my laziness is justified :P

First day of finals, Tuesday by the way, was hell! Math 2B (Linear Algebra) Final was at 9.15am followed by Physics 4A Final at 1.15pm. Two really difficult subjects in one day, and on the first day in the week of exams. Sheeeshhh. I've never been so stressed during an exam day before. Never had I had two difficult exams in one day, usually it's all spread out in the entire week of finals. But then again, having it all on the first day is good in a way that it's all over sooner and you don't have to get all worked out throughout the entire week. That was the case for me. My last exam was the next day at 9.15am - CIS 27 (Programming in C++ for C programmers).

Well anyway, about the finals, Math 2B final was extremely difficult. 50 linear algebra questions in 2 hours. Instructor gave us a list of what to study for the final and it was still difficult, imagine that. Well as much as I want to blame my bad result in this class on the fact that the instructor is the most difficult Math instructor in my college, I think it's me that should be blamed. Didn't really study much for my Math class, Physics got most of my attention throughout the entire quarter. Good thing I never will have to take any more Math classes.

Physics final, amazingly, was pretty easy for me, not sure about how the other students found it. I could do most of the questions except for one, which I did partly and didn't know how to find a substitution for the final angular acceleration of the object in question. But anyway, I was extremely pleased with myself at the end of the final. Satisfied with how I did, and party joyful cuz my finals were pretty much over. The c++ final next day should be easy I thought, and it was.

One thing I learnt, which, amazingly, and you could say that I was stubborn all these while not to realize it, was that studying pays off, huge. I didn't really expect to do my Physics exam with such ease, but I did cuz I studied like hell throughout the entire weekend. *sigh* Sometimes you know that to acheive something you gotta work hard for it, and believe that you can do it, but then again its not easy, and you just ignore that. Happened to me a lot of times, many times. Those times when I told myself I would study hard, the intention never really materialized, even though I try to, somethings just hold me back, or its either I hold myself back. Who else can I blame but myself anyway? Ah... complicated. Oh wellz.

Yay! Only after my last exam did I realize that there's gonna be a Spring break, and that's 1 week holiday!! Last year there was no Spring break holiday, and Spring quarter started right after Winter quarter ended. This year its good cuz the week of hols start tomorow! Though come to think of it I'm gonna be pretty bored throughout the entire week, with so much spare time. I plan to work on a new layout for my page, and add a few more links and pages, nothing fancy. Well at least that's something that'll prevent me from rotting throughout the entire week. Usually I'd be working on some aircraft models, but don't really have the mood to do that anymore. It's an expensive hobby too.

I was thinking maybe I take a train or bus down to San Francisco one of this days during the holiday, and go around there. It's damn embarrassing and stupid that I've been in California, and 1 hour drive away from SF, and I haven't BEEN to SF!!!! Gonna go around there, check out the bay, shops, but then again I dont think I'll be able to do much since I'll be going on my own without a car. I have a driving license here in Cali (which is expired by the way because of, well, unsurprisingly, laziness to renew) but I don't have a car. If only cars came together with the driving license as a package deal.

Still waiting for answers from UCLA, UCBerkeley and UC San Diego about my application status. I'm not expecting to be admitted into any of them. I might get into Berkeley, but UCLA and UC San Diego I most likely won't cuz I won't be able to finish my Physics series of classes before transferring. Even if I do get accepted into LA and SD, I won't go there if I had a choice cuz they only offer Bachelor of Sceince in Computer Science, and the courses there require more Sceince, and I'm not really comfortable with that. UCBerkeley and UC Santa Cruz are the only two that offer Bachelor of Arts in Computer Science, which, don't require any Physics/Bio/Chemistry subjects to be taken. Yea, blame me for taking the easy way out =p

Oh, and I have to go book my air ticket for a flight back to Malaysia soon. 3 more months and I'll be flying already. Parents said better book early just in case can't get a flight back. After all its summer, and flights might be full. Can't wait to get back to KL though. Can't wait to see my dearest love. *sigh* I miss her so much. Just talked to her about 30 mins ago on the phone and I'm already missing her a lot. uWaAA!! Can't wait!

...

Thinking of last night just ticks me off. So my roommates and some friends were talking outside in the living room about one of them going after a girl, and they were offering advice and all that. I went out to get some water from the kitchen, and then they ask me to join lar. Yea, so I did. I just sat there and listened, they were this roommate of mine was like telling this other guy how to go for a girl, etc etc. He was like stressing on the point that the guy should just go for it, and make sure he gets the girl to make out with him. I was like thinking in my head, wtf, its that easy? Then my roommate started saying that the guy should get the girl to bed and fuck her, and that if he doesn't get the girl to do that in like one or two months, then he's a failure. The letters 'wtf' streaked across my mind again. So the guy said "Thats what animals do only, and we're not animals." I started feeling a bit better. Then my roommate replied, saying that "Nola, we're guys wat. We're all men and men are like that. Don't tell me you're not a guy. ". I just blurted out "Not all men are like that. Only animals are like that. Only YOU are like that. " and I just left the conversation and went back to my room. Maybe it's just me but I got so pissed off at the fact that some people treat relationships/love as a game and girls as toys. I get so pissed off that my roommate thinks that getting into a relationship is so easy. Well he has a girlfriend. Yea, and they argue and fight like everyday. Sometimes I just pity his gf, being shouted at by him all the time. I get so pissed at the fact that he thinks sex is everything. I get extremely mad at the fact that he thinks being a virgin is a bad thing, and that he's so proud that he lost his virginity at 18. People who take for granted relationships, people who are players, and people who totally destroy the institution of love/relationships and what it means to be in one, are people who totally tick me off.

Just pisses me off thinking about it.

Hmmmmph.

My low-carb food just arrived through the mail. Yea, food as in, nutrition-bars thingy. I'm not really on a diet, just trying out the low-carb diet of eating, which some people say its better and makes you more energetic etc etc due to a lot more protein intake, < 20mgs of carbs, no sugar, more fat. Hope it works out :)

Gonna go work on a new site layout. Only thought of the background. *tee hee*

*logs off*

OMG HELL IS NOW PAST!!!

more details soon.

OMG!!

Dear Heng Woon:
First, congratulations again on your admission to UC Santa Cruz.

I understand that deciding which university to attend may be one of the biggest decisions that you must make. I wanted to bring to your attention some exciting outreach programs that have been created by students in order to introduce interested admitted students to the campus. These programs are open to all admitted freshmen and transfer students. Please contact the organizations sponsoring these events (see contact information below) if you are interested in participating, or if you have any questions.

Well, I'm kinda surprised I actually got admitted, though UC Santa Cruz's my last choice. I am seriously hoping I'll get into UC Berkeley, but thats like a long shot. UCLA and UC San Diego are slim choices even if I get admitted, cuz those two unis require Physics, and I am sick of Physics. But anyways, they can void my admission if they decide that the grades that I'm gonna get this quarter (A C C hopefully) justifies that. Why do I always think of the worst thing that can happen? Dunno, it's just me. I mean, I look at the bad side of things most of the time, more than I look at the good side. Maybe I just don't wanna put my expectations to high so as to not get disappointed later on. Maybe it's some auto-defense-mechanism. Nevermind.

Yea, I just realized I'm gonna get a C for my Math class. Good thing is that it's my last math class. So depressing. Got an A for my Math Differential Equations class last quarter, and this quartter I'm getting a C. Well, I'm not really surprised, since the instructor of my math class this quarter, was the same instructor I took for my Math Calculus 1C and Calculus 1D, both of which I got Cs as well. Really, I can be so stubborn, that I know that he's a difficult instructor and I have gotten Cs in his classes, and yet I still take his class. WHYYYYY did I EVERRR take his class? Hmph!

Did I mention I'm not gonna take Physics anymore no matter what? Guess what? Physics 4B (Electricity, Magnetism etc) is gonna be my nightmare next quarter. Yes I AM taking it. Why? Maybe I'm stubborn again. But thing is I kinda need that Physics class. Yes I'm forced to, either here in college, or I'll do it in uni. Doh college is easier, I think. Bah! The only thing that can stop me from taking that Physics class next quarter is if I die, or if I fail Physics this quarter, cuz I need to pass this Physics 4A class I'm taking now, to be able to take PHysics 4B. Somehow there's this little devil sitting on my right shoulder telling me that I should fail, and so I wont need to bother with Physics anymore. Shooo!!

I'm sleepy, tired. Next week is finals week. Tomorow is a Saturday, definitely not one of those usual Saturdays where I laze around, entertain myself, but yea this weekend gonna have to cram in all my Physics and Math. Oh, First day of exams - Tuesday. Guess what I have on the SAME day??? Physics and.......... MATH! Heh, of all days it has to be on the first day of exams. AND both classes! On Tuesday!!! Means I won't have much time to study. And yea you can say that the good of it is that I get over it sooner. But that's not any consolation at all, trust me, not when you have to get like a B or an A in the final to pass the class.

Well, I think I should rest for a while, then go study a bit and sleep.

Ciouz

yay i got a 49/100 fopr my physics 2nd midterm. That is all I can say. I am soo damn glad the journey through this stupid living hellish phase in life is almost over and I dont care if I fail or not im not taking physics ever again.

-= Listening to: Mariah Carey - Without you

Don't know why I had to go download this song and listen to it. Maybe cuz last night I had a dream and this song was all that was in my dream. Well, except that Mariah Carey wasn't in my dream and it was a piano rendition of the song, or whatever you call it. Anyways, wasn't one of those usual dreams, never had a dream where throughout the whole dream a song was just playing on the piano. Maybe the dream was trying to tell me something, maybe it's just what I feel inside but haven't really been able to 'find' it, well, am I being confusing? Oh well nevermind, some things aren't that easy to explain, if not impossible.

I wish dreams would be easy to interpret, I wish dreams were just blunt and obvious and direct in it's meaning, but thats not the way it is. Different people interpret dreams differently, and I guess that makes dreams interesting :) Also, I dont know if anyone can remember every single event or detail in their dream, cuz I always wake up forgetting certain details or even important things that I just dreamt of. Weird.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
No I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there
But then I let you go
And now it's only fair
That I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Well I just wanna dedicate the lyrics and song above to my dearest and loving Hsiao Wei :) Thank God that I have this wonderful angel that's been sent to me, a total blessing, and darling I just wanna let you know how much you mean to me and how I can't live without you, or even imagine living without you. I just wanna make sure you know that, before I lose the chance to let you know, if I ever do lose you, and I wish I don't, not even for anything else.

I love you hunn.

Nooo wayyyy!!!!!!!!

My physics instructor's webpage is down on the day of the exam and yesterday - the day before the exam!!!! WTH! The whole server for the school's physics/math department is down. Now I can't see what homework the instructor assigned and study the examples he gave on the webpage!!!!!

Noo.....!!!!!

This HAD to happen!!!!!!!

Someone spare me the torture and just kill me.

Hey Brandon:

Well I hope you don't mind that I post this up here. Anyway, regarding your situation, I think since you says that she probably knows you like her already from how you react, there isn't much difference whether you tell her or not, cuz she already knows. So you might as well tell her, before she goes overseas and before you lose the chance of expressing yourself to someone you like. Maybe what you might be afraid of is that even if you tell her, she's going to go overseas and you're afraid things are not going to work out? Well hey, not everything works out for a person all the time. At least when you tell her, you sorta lift a burden in your heart (ie. the feelings you have for her) and you won't regret not telling her. I don't know about you but I would if I were in your situation. I'd rather tell that person that I like her even though she might not like me back or even though I predict that it won't work out well. If you want to love, you must dare to love.

One thing you might consider thinking about is the long distance relationship you both will have if you both get into a relationship. Distance can be your friend sometimes, and distance can also be your enemy. Insecurities might arise, etc etc, but that's what you have to deal with if you are truely committed into the relationship. I always tell people, never to get into relationships if you cannot imagine yourself living with the other person for your entire life, even if it means a few thousand miles apart. Basically, if you can't commit, don't get into it, or its just a waste of feelings, emotions, and a cause for heartbreaks.

Well, you have nothing to lose here, and something to gain. If you don't tell her, you lose. If you tell her, at least there might be a chance that you gain something, but then keep in mind a chance that you might lose too. Still, if you don't try, you'll never know. So just let her know. It's better that she hears it directly from you, instead of you hinting at her.

Well BRANDON, I wish you all the best. Hey if you need anything, or someone to talk to, my contacts are at the left menu. :) Or you can rant on the board on the right.


A bell is not a bell
until someone rings it,
a song is not a song
until someone sings it.

Love wasn't put
in the heart to stay,
for love isn't love
'til you give it away.

- Chanh Kha -