-=Roxette - Fading Like a Flower

Just a little disclaimer before you read this, i'm not exactly in a wonderful mood right now......

In fact i feel really fucked up... Getting fucking sick of living this life... nothing ever works right for me.... got a call from parents just now... and i was actually in a studying mood before that... i spent 4 hours studying math... i have a math midterm tomorow.... so my parents were like talking about my studies and all..... about my transfer to uni..... fuck it seriously... im not fucking good in my studies and i've never been..... one of the reasons i didnt wanna come to the US was because i was not blardy smart like other people and i dont deserve to be sent here..... i hate feeling guilty and feeling disappointed at myself and also for not living up to my parents expectations..... and that phone call just made me lose my mood in studying... arghhhhhhhhhhhh,........

yes nothing actually works in my life..... my GPA's a mere 3.4 now and i need at least a 3.5 to get into berkeley... and there's hardly any other uni that offers a BA in comp sci.... other unis offer BS and i dont wanna take a BS in comp sci coz i have to do all the bullshit science subjects like physics chem and bio and i know FOR A FACT i suck at them and i dont like those subject..... hell im never good in studies.... parents say if i cant get into the unis that offer BA then ill have to take BS... wtf man.... im not taking BS for fucks sake.... ive had enough torturing myself lowering my GPA everytime i take a subject that i know i wont get an A for.... hey face it.. some people are good at studies some arent.... i like computer science actually.. programming and all that stuff.... but maths? physics? i dont know why ifucking have to take them...... its not liek you're gonna solve bloody complicated calculus questions when programing... its not like you're gonna use differntial equations to find the rate the height of the water in this cylinder is decreasing..... wtf...

this is life... thats what my parents said.. life is hard... but that is life... blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.... fuck it... i know how hard life is... i've been living in that kind of life for the past few years???? i dont think my parents even know me... or know what i'm feeling and going through.. i just dont have that conenction with my parents....

i just wish i was alone everywhere i go.....

i just wished i wouldve did a stupid diploma in comp sci... i dont mind not getting that good of a pay as long as its enough... fucking money isnt that important ill just live a simple life..... ill be a god damned bachelor if i have to.....

my life has been full of screw ups.... nothing work as i want it to.... studied so fucking hard last quarter for my maths class and i got a fucking C!!!!! hey...i didnt study much in my first calculus class and i stil lgot a B..... hell if i get better results by not studyin... wtf is wrong?

i hope tomorow the bus i take gets bombed by terrorists or what not... i just hope that happens....

I'm about to break soon .... don't know how much i can keep everything in me any longer....... there's like a million things on my mind now and none of them are good feelings.

whateverrrr .... im getting really sick now..... ERTGERHT $# W#%&%#^$@^

say what ever u want call me whatever u want think howver you want i dont care .. dont fucking care about anything anymore.....
ive hadenough of disappointing others and also myself....

there's only one thing i want to experience in this world.... nothing else really matters.... im not someone who wants to earn millions of bucks in life or be successful and own the world.... like hell it matters to me.... i just want to experience that one thing..... fully. thats the only goal in life i have now... i wouldnt be here typing all this crap if it wasnt for that. most of you wont even know me.