Hoobastank - The Reason

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I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
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Life seems like a fairytale now. I'm back in Kuala Lumpur for my summer holidays. I've spent wonderful times with my darling since I got back two weeks ago. It's been two weeks =/ and there's just another month left. Heh, how much can I ask for?

I know it's been a long time since I posted. I'll make it up and write a looong one this time :) Well, one reason, or excuse whatever suits, was that I didnt really have the mood to blog anything for almost the entirety of last month. I can't do things if I don't have the mood to do it, thats just me. Then I had my exams and finals (which was a pretty horrible yet enlightening and awakening experience for me, more later...) and also some university stuff I had to do. In simple words, I was busy :P

Did I mention I had a terrible exam? Well, I had all 3 final exams on one day. First time in my entire 2 years in college I've had all my exams on one day. Well there's a first for everything right? Anyway, so I had my History 17A (Early US History 1700-1800) at 7.30am-9.30am, Biology 10 (Introduction to Biology) at 12.30pm-2.30pm, and Physics 4B (Electricity and Magnetism) at 6.15pm-8.15pm. Exams the whole day!! So the problems started I guess with me not sleeping the previous night, cuz I was studying for all my exams, or rather as many people say it, burning the midnight(and early morning) oil. I thought I would make it through the day, and surprise surprise!! I didn't. I got through History and Bio very well, expecting both As for those two classes. Physics was a different story. After Bio I was extreeeemly tired, exhausted, and sleepy. I got back home, went straight to my Physics book, and started studying for my Physics final. I knew I should've went to Starbucks to get some coffee and study there, but I figured studying in my room was good enough. Guess what? I dozed off while studying. My exam started at 6.30pm. I dozed off at around 5pm. Yes I know you know what happened and I can hear the OMGs and WTHs everywhere. For those of you who still have not the slightest idea, I slept and I didn't wake up till 7.45pm, which was half an hour before my final ENDS!!!! Oh, and not forgetting I have a C in the class before my final exam, and I had to get a 50% our of 100% to maintain the C. Missing the final exam equals an automatic F in the class. Yup yup I had to ge a C or more or else my university admission would be voided. I woke up, looked at my alarm clock staring at me in the face with the numbers 7:42 and I jumped out literally, gathered myself and after being fully aware of what happened, I screamed, panicked, well you name it. I regained my sanity after a while and hurried to school, and by the time I reached the class I had 15 minutes left to do the exam =( 15 minutes to do a 2 hour exam with 7 questions. I could feel my eyes gettng watery as I was doing the paper. All the panic and frustration and everything made me go blank. I thought I was still dreaming, sadly I wasn't. I did partially 5 questions and another 2 questions I left blank cuz I didnt know how to do them. 5/7 questions, and all partially done. I had like a 20% chance of getting a 50/100. =/

I went home, called my parents told them what happened, call my uncle and aunt as well as my dearest. I cried while talking to my parents. That was the 2nd time I cried that much. It was my LAST exam and the exam that would determine my entry into UC Berkeley and I messed it up!!! Life just likes to play tricks on me. It wasn't the only time it has done something like that, to make things seem so good then at the end mess it up for whatsoever reason. Happens like a gazillion times already. When I called Julia I was crying, but without the tears - there weren't any tears left =/ That day all the stress and emotions and everything that accumulated inside me erupted all at once. The thought of disappointing my parents, my family, everyone, and also the thought of not being able to go back to KL to see Julia cuz if I failed I will have to stay back durign summer to retake my Physics in summer (which is not offered in my college but in another college 1 bus ride away) - all that plus a lot of other thoughts was just too much for me to handle.

And so I did something I don't do often - pray to God. I prayed kneeling down on my bed, praying to God that everything would turn out right, praying that a miracle would happen and I will actually get a C in my Physics class. I asked God for forgiveness for not giving him praise for a long time, for not going to church and straying away from the Christian path. I prayed that if me failing my exams would be a punishment for me then so be it. If God has other plans for me instead of Computer Science or whatever then so be it. I promised God that whatever happens, it's God's will and I promised to be a better Christian and go to church every week, and to be on fire for God. It's hard, but I will try my best. I went outside my house, sat down by the road on the pavement, stared at the sky and the few stars that dotted it, and just sat there. The night was quiet, hardly anything disturbed the serenity and peace except for this one street light that was continuously dimming and getting brighter. I wished I could live a life like that. Quiet, peaceful, away from the stresses and chaos of everyday life, and just do nothing but seek peace.

And so the drama's over, the climax of the story reached. I realised I could do nothing but just pray that a miracle would happen, and just put my trust in God. I did. It wasn't until 4 days later when I emailed my instructor for my results, and he replied. The instant I saw the email in my inbox my heart was going bonkers. Moving my mouse and clicking on the email seemed like forever and was torturous. I opened the email that contained a letter of the alphabet. It wasn't an A (doh), wasn't an F (phew!), wasn't a B (doh again), but wasn't a D either!! My prayers were answered and miraculously I got a C!!!! Praise God!! I was soooooo happy and if any of you were there I would treat you to a nice expensive dinner I don't care lol. Bottomline is, I learnt a lot of things. Trusting God and putting faith in him is one, sleeping before the day of finals is another. God is good but I shouldn't 'test' Him up there all the time thats why my mom and aunt says lol. And I won't.

I guess if life didn't play tricks on me life wouldn't be so exciting and meaningful. If dreams were the same all the time it wouldn't be fun. If directors didn't play tricks on their audiences in the movies then nobody would watch them. If I were to choose between a life full of happiness only and a life with a mix of happiness and sadness and positive as well as negative emotions, I'd choose the latter. I wouldn't want to die till I've experienced all the feelings one can experience as a human being.

I'm happy being here back in KL and all. Julia was there waiting for me at the airport. I was so overjoyed and ecsatatic being able to see her again after 6 months. Probably not many of you've been apart from your love for so long and then seeing them again, being able to touch and hug and kiss and feel the warmth of the other person again. Feels alot better than if you hadn't been apart frm that person for a long time. Much much better.

Well so far these two weeks here in KL most of my time's been spent with Julia, the other with my other love - bowling. Speaking of bowling, there's a novice bowling competition coming soon on the 27th in Midvalley Cosmic Bowl. Don't know if I wanna join just for kicks. After all it's a beginner's competition and I'm a beginner. 35 bucks and the prize is... oh wait I don't know.... Anyway nevermind. Mmmmm so many things to do the next month. Gonna go catch a movie with her later today. Watching "Prince and Me". Don't know if it's nice or not but there aren't any nice movies to watch that I haven't watched. King Arthur's out on Thursday which is tomorow. I tought we could catch King Arthur tomorow as well but it's gonna be 11 bucks tomorow and Julz says can wait till next Wednesday. Then Friday I'll be going over to her place till Sunday night. Next week probably do something which I promised her I would do - ice skating, most likely at the Mines since Pyramid's more expensive and quite packed. A couple of things that I wanna do together with her before I get back to the US next month too, but I'll leave that to blog for another day.

I wish I could stay in KL longer. Wish UC Berkeley was located here in KL. I dont wanna leaveeee!!! *sob*. And it's 2.03AM and I have to wake up at 10am later. Slept at 3am yesterday, ended up waking at 3pm. Gonna get some rest. I have soo much more to type yet so little energy to do so. Well, I guess I'll jet.

Goodnight world.